Girlfriend is feeling resentment
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| Tue, 03-23-2004 - 1:38pm |
Anyways, her resentment stems from the fact that she really wants things to move fast with me and I'm kind of hesitant. Only because I think 7 months is too early to move to fast and I have been there before.
She has had some bad luck with relationships and with past family issues. Yesterday she told me that she just wants someone who is loving and caring because she never had that in her life before. Sounds to me like she is just alittle to emotionally needy.
I want things to work with her, but I'm at the end of my rope. I can't take her moodiness and pissy attidude to me over the phone and while we are together.
Any suggestions on how to approach this. Should I just back off and keep things low key or should I be in her face more. She said that when she feels alot of resentment towards me he doesn't want to see me that much until she is over it. Sounds like I'm about to make her not wanting to see me permanent.
One other thing is that I admitted my past mistakes and told her that I wanted to make an effort to improve.
What I think she wants is somebody who is going to put up with her moodiness and crappy attitude and be loving and caring. You would think that after all of her past relationships that she would get that nobody is going to put up with crap for too long.

But I think the key is here:
What I think she wants is somebody who is going to put up with her moodiness and crappy attitude and be loving and caring. You would think that after all of her past relationships that she would get that nobody is going to put up with crap for too long.
That says it all. She wants what she wants, when she wants it on her terms....
So you have to decide what you are going to do - end it or have one more discussion about your relationship. For example, our relationship style is different, I know you want to move quickly and while I do have feelings for you, like being with you etc. my personal experience has taught me to wait a little longer to determine long-term compatibility. I would like to work on the things you consider flaws in me. Can you give me specific examples of my uncaring ways? Then ask for what kinds of things she thinks (as she defines it) are romantic things. Then ask her to be specific what what 'little things' she feels you don't do.
This is a conversation about expectations. I know I am only hearing on side of the story, but it sounds as if her unmet expectations are causing her moodiness and crappy attitude HOWEVER that those moods then affect you and make it impossible for you to want to do any of the things she would like.
If you are willing to continue this relationship, then tell her, specifically what you think is within your power to do and what you don't feel will work for her. Ask her if she would like to go to couple's counseling with you.
OR have a break up conversation: I've enjoyed our time together. You deserve to have all your needs meet and I've just come to the conclusion that I'm not that guy. I'm unable to meet all your unsaid expectations. I think we have found ourselves at different ends of the spectrum and the two are incompatible. I wish you the best.
Carrie