Girlfriend obsessed with 'what ifs'
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| Sun, 08-08-2004 - 6:24pm |
She's a hard person to get to open up and admits that, she knows that she is this way. It's hard for her to express love and be with someone. I really want to try harder for her because I do like her a lot. The only time I can get her to open up is when we're together and I pour on the attention and affecton and tell her how much I like her and care. Otherwise, she responds coldly to me.
I work in the film industry and will be staying on a shoot for about two months north of Los Angeles. I'm originally from San Diego but going to move to L.A. after the production winds down. She is currently in Indianapolis. We dated hundreds of times and lived together for a couple months but she explained that she is scared of falling in love with me or doing something to screw things up.
Here's her email, as you can tell, she keep dwelling on the negative 'what ifs'. How should I handle this?
Dear Tom,
I see you have put a lot of thoughts into our possible future. Thank you for all the detailed scenarious. It is not easy for me to pick a number and stick to it. To tell you the truth, I don't know what to do.Should I close my eyes and draw the number? I am scared of all the "what if"s. You are going to your movie production. Is it because your girlfriend is there? (she is just jealous of a girl that I know who is an actress in the movie, she's just a friend)
If you go to LA everything can go great, and you can rent (buy) a nice house, but what if it costs a lot? What if the business does not go well, and you end up loosing all the money you have worked so hard to save? I heard that it is not easy to make it in LA plus the cost of living is high. Would you really want to leave your daughter in a different city? (my daughter lives in north San Diego, only a an hour and a half drive away)
I understand I am torturing you with my uncertainties, please understand it is not easy for me as well. I propose yet another scenario (sorry)- you go to your movie set, change the surroundings, do something different, and it can give you the time to make the desicion whether you really want to go to risk of moing to LA.
Please know, that I want things to be worked out between us. But I realize that even if I want to live in LA in a nice house with a yard with a husband who has his own business (who wouldn't?), I am still scared that the scenario will not work out this way. What if the worst things possible happen?
With respect and apologies,
your friend Lena.
See how this goes on and on and on? All this girl thinks about is 'what ifs' and bad stuff. What can I do?
Tom
