Girlfriend talks down to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2013
Girlfriend talks down to me
9
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 2:39pm

She's a very attractive girl, tall blonde, blue eyes, nice body( I'm trying to not sound misogynistic and I don't mean to). I know she's attractive but the problem is is that she knows she's attractive. For some reason she feels the need to constantly tell me. " I'm way out of your league, you should be thankful I'm with you." Going out in public isn't much better, " This must be a confidence boost for you, being seen with me" " You know I could get any guy in this room". At one point she told me I didn't deserve her and that she was the prettiest girl I'd ever date.  I've asked her to stop but she giggles and tells me its cute when I'm upset. On more than 1 occasion she's called me " below average looking". I know I'm not male model material but still. Why does she do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 3:03pm

She does it, because believe it or not, she's a very insecure person, and she's feeding her own ego!  It doesn't matter that she's attractive, because even attractive people can feel insecure!  A person like that will put YOU down to make themselves feel better.  If I belittle you, that makes me better than you.  She's not going to change....at least without extensive therapy, and it's doubtful if she even agree to go!

I'm sorry to tell you this, but you'd be a lot better off with an average looking person without hang-ups, that loves and adores YOU, and doesn't think you're "below average' looking.  She's pretty on the outside, and ugly on the inside!!!  It doesn't really matter WHY she does it, just know she will always do it, and you don't say how long you've been together, but it's too long!  This is an unhappy woman, and you'll have to live with the insults and snide remarks  until you end the relationship. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2013
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 3:14pm

1.5 years we've been together

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 6:03pm

Really you shouldn't put up with this kind of treatment.  Somehow you must believe it subconsciously or you would break up with her.  If she has some other kind of good qualities and you want to try to salvage this relationship at all, the next time she says that she could get any guy in the room and you should be lucky to have her, I'd ask her right out--do you care for me at all because what you're saying to me is really rude & putting me down and after all this time together, I'd think that you wouldn't say things like that--however, she just sounds like a b!tch, so I think if she says that she could have any guy in the room, you should just tell her to go get one, cause you're through being treated like a 2nd class citizen and you're going to look for a woman who appreciates what you have to offer.  

Now speaking as a woman who's not a "10" but not horrible looking either, I see the other side of guys who are willing to take bad treatment just so they can have the beautiful woman, and they wouldn't give the time of day to a less attractive woman who would treat them great--so if you're like that, you get what you deserve.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 05-13-2013 - 7:40am

senior94 wrote:
<p>She's a very attractive girl, tall blonde, blue eyes, nice body( I'm trying to not sound misogynistic and I don't mean to). I know she's attractive but the problem is is that she knows she's attractive. For some reason she feels the need to constantly tell me. " I'm way out of your league, you should be thankful I'm with you." Going out in public isn't much better, " This must be a confidence boost for you, being seen with me" " You know I could get any guy in this room". At one point she told me I didn't deserve her and that she was the prettiest girl I'd ever date.  I've asked her to stop but she giggles and tells me its cute when I'm upset. On more than 1 occasion she's called me " below average looking". I know I'm not male model material but still. Why does she do it?</p>

I'm sorry, but she sounds like the ugliest girl in the town. Her attitude is abhorrant.

She may have pretty packaging now, when she's young, but she's not going to be young forever and there is nothing more tragic than a stuck up, pretty teenager/young adult who has learned nothing except how to get over on her looks and she's now in her mid to late 30's/40's, etc., and didn't develop the personality and attitude in her youth to not rely on her looks.

The next time she tells you she's way over your league, then what you do is agree with her and leave her standing where she is.

Next time she says " This must be a confidence boost for you, being seen with me", say to her "yeah, let me go see how well it works now" and leave her standing where she is.

Next time she says  " You know I could get any guy in this room"...  say to her "please do" and leave her standing where she is.

Next time she says "(you) didn't deserve her and that she was the prettiest girl I'd ever date"  agree with her and leave her standing where she is.

You want to know what is attractive? A lady who isn't so empty on the inside that she has to put you down in order for her to feel good about herself.  A lady who is considerate of your feelings and doesn't taunt you with rejection or outright rejects you for her own amusement.  A lady who isn't emotionally cruel because something inside of her broke a long, long time ago and the only way she can compensate is to deal pain to others for her own jollies.

You know you deserve better than that, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Tue, 05-14-2013 - 5:40pm

I think you have had some great people share some caring and thoughtful perspectives with you.  I hope you recognize that and take every word to heart.  I am a guy who has several years on you and would like to add just two thoughts--the earlier posters seem to see your situation a lot like I do.  I agree that the "super fox" that you have been with is very insecure. To the point that she is a truly sad and unhappy head case. She enjoys sharing her pain with you.  I also would observe, though, that you wouldn't put up with her talking down to you if you weren't insecure also.  What's with that?  You need to be introspective and find out why you are having those feelings.  I also agree, not just so that this lady gets hammered real good, that you be prepared to react strongly the next time she runs you down verbally.  I don't know that I'd toss her out on I-95 at midnight in a snow storm but tell her you're taking her home right then would be about right.  YOU DON'T NEED TO PUT UP WITH THIS ABUSE!  I wish you the very best with whatever course of action you choose.  Craig

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 8:00pm

  There is a reason she is with you. One is her sadistic streak is fulfilled because you won't stand up to her.  i think there is something about you she hates.  I am a rather unhandsome man who has some very beautiful GFs.   Never has one treated me that way.  She is with you because she chooses to be with you.  Her treatment of you is ugly.   The first thing is to stop allowing her to do so with out consequences.  Not that your are "hurt" but the behavior is out of bounds.  

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
Wed, 06-05-2013 - 1:50pm

shes immature and not very bright,

get rid o her and look for someone in your league, otherwise youll get dragged thru and thru over and over again......

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 11:50pm

I wiould like to add that YOU deserve better then her because of how she treats you and puts you down.

Does it hurt when she says these comments?  I imagine it does.  Someone that puts you down and hurts you does not deserve you.  You don't deserve to be told these awful comments.  You sound like a nice person and it sounds like she is taking advantage of that.  Do you believe you deserve to be treated with respect and complimented on your looks?  Instead of her saying hurtful things and telling you something about your looks being average.  THAT IS HER OPINION!  Who cares what you look like, it is what is inside you that matters in the end.  (I am not trying to imply your not good looking, I have no idea, just that she sounds like she only sees the outside). 

If she "thinks" she is so great and all, then like the other poster said, let her go find "any guy in this room" or whatever she said.  You truely don't need to be treated this way and I hope you know that there are many many women out there who would love to be with a guy like you!!

Attachment: 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2013
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 9:53am

Whatever be the reason. You need to sit & clear it out with her. Bcoz u guys clearly are drifting apart. Sit together and tell her u are not liking it and try to understand her side of the story. If she is being out right unreasonable say bye to relationship there and then coz if u don't soon she would.U don't deserve to be treated this way.