Giving friends slack?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Giving friends slack?
7
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 6:47pm
Hi, I'm wondering how much slack to give my friends when they say something insensitive, or are blunt, or cancel on me at the last minute. I, sometimes say how I feel
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 8:13pm
Are these friends often criticising you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 9:07pm

Well, it's a mix. She's insensitive. I don't think it's out of malice but rather she's just clueless. For example, several times, she's said, we're having a party at our house so I have to clean up the basement and she doesn't invite me. Another time, she tells me that she had some friends over for cocktails. It's okay that she doesn't invite me but it seems insensitive to me to tell me about these things (those are just two incidents-there are more). I wouldn't have given her as much slack as I do if I thought she was purposely trying to hurt my feelings. Once I did say in a friendly voice, "Hey, we never go out for cocktails." And, she said, I catch up with you exercising. All these talks happen while we're working out. The truth is I'd rather exercise with her rather than go out for cocktails but we could do both. I want to keep her as a work-out friend. The problem is that my feelings get so hurt with what I think is her inadvertent insensitivity. We've been friends for about 3 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 12:52am

Libby, I think the two of you have different ideas about what your friendship is evolving into.


While you see the potential for socialising together, I think she's happy having you simply as a gym friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 9:56pm

Hi! Do you both live together? Why do you have to clean the basement for a party?


I´m confussed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2008
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 11:33pm

I'll add to what true.blue.strine has posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 1:08am

I'm so sorry. I don't remember the basement part because I posted so long ago. All I can think of is that I offered to clean her basement.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 1:13am

Hi, thanks all for your replies. I understood after hearing from true.blue.strine and now from you. It really cleared things up for me and now I understand the dynamics of my gym friend's relationship with me. I was remiss in getting back to you