Giving up hope
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Giving up hope
| Wed, 08-08-2007 - 9:43pm |
Lately I have seemed to give up on trying to resolve issues with my live in boyfriend of over 4 years. We were together very young for over 3 years and had a terrible break-up over the course of a year. Two years later we got back together unexpectedly and moved-in together 5 months later. Everything seemed too good to be true and all the problems we had before seemed to have disappeared. A few months ago he fell into a rut and seems to care only about the stress his is encountering at work and releasing it through hours of video games everyday after work and on the weekends all day. I feel frustrated since I am constantly trying to provide understanding and ways out of his bad work situation, but nothing seems to help. I even try to plan mini-weekend vacations just for fun. Everytime we argue now he shoots back that I give him crap and can never be wrong. He also tends to talk down to me and only be okay with things he wants to hear, not always what I have to say. He also tends to put other priorities infront of us and me, and really only make efforts to spend quality time with me when it's convienent for him and his friends are gone. I know he's stressed, but he completely forgets that I work more than him and still go to school full time and try to come home to spend time with him. We also both have histories from the two years we were broken up that he cannot seem to let go. He tells me he never wants to hear about it again, and then makes rude attacking comments when he's upset and in a bad mood. He's become very selfish and hypocritical and it's pushing me away. Where should I start to address the problem without causing fight right away?

Saidi, before you address any of these issues with him, you must be clear about what YOU want.
You've said that you're giving up hope. You're (understandably) tired of beating your head against the proverbial brick wall. And quite frankly, you've given some pretty awful descriptions of his behaviour! I can't help but wonder if these reactions are your commonsense telling you that it's time to quit on the relationship once and for all.
I agree with ivaisha. You know who your bf is by now. According to you, he;
~cares only about HIS stress
~deals with stress by zoning out in front of a video game for hours on end.
~is disrespectful
~puts his friends ahead of you
~is verbally abusive
~is selfish
~is a hypocrite
Its clear to me what you need to do. You need to end this relationship and move out or kick him out. There are literally MILLIONS of respectful, decent single men in the world. You can do a lot better.
Welcome to the board saidi85,
The only way you are going to be able to get through to your bf is if he is willing to listen to you and your concerns. Which from what you said sounds unlikely. I suggest writing him a letter telling him what your concerns are and what you would like to do to fix the problems. Tell him that you don't want to fight about this that you only want to talk to him about things.
But, I do agree with the previous posters. It may to be to reevaluate the relationship and possibly end it.
Good luck to you.
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