giving up on marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
giving up on marriage
2
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:10pm

Im wondering if I should get out of my marriage. I feel like it will inevitably end in divorce due to my husband's constant threats. I'm thinking I should get out now to avoid the enduring emotional distress on me and my sons and also to just get on with my life. However, I am a stay at home Mom and if I divorce I don't think I could continue that.

My husband's behavior is very moody and cold. Sometimes I suspect him of infedelity. Sometimes I wonder if Im just expecting too much and being paranoid. Where is the line of emotional abuse and normal relationship conflict? Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:31pm
Please give us some examples of his threats and abuse? Why do you think he cheats?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:58pm

Welcome to the board yosamite,


Signs of Domestic Abuse


Verbal abuse - Yelling or screaming, blaming you for the problems in your marriage, talking down to you or being condescending, putting you down. Does he use sarcasm and hurtful "jokes"?


Sexual abuse - Withheld sex to punish you, ridiculed you, criticized your sexuality or sexual expression, inflicted pain on you during sex, pressured or forced you when you've indicated you were uncomfortable, treated you like an object during sex, blamed you for all the problems in intimacy. Has he threatened to have an affair?


Social abuse/isolating - (an attempt to cut you off from sources of support and care) jealous about who you see or talk to, monitored your time, tried to make it difficult for you to contact family and friends, controlled your use of money, tried to turn other people against you. Does he open your mail or monitor your phone calls? Does he restrict your use of a car or not allow you to leave the house?


Abusing privilege (any use of gender, position, education, etc. to exert control) - Made decisions without your input, told you that you couldn't cope without him, treated you like you were inferior, left you alone with the children with no means of contacting him.(hello) Does he demand obedience like you were a servant?


Economic/financial abuse (any use of money to exert control)- controls all the money, makes you ask for bare necessities, intentionally not contributing to supporting the family, makes you and the children live in an unsafe house! Does he make you account for all the money you spend? Does he take your money or threaten to? Does he prevent you from getting a job? Has he spent joint assets without consulting you?


Emotional abuse (any act intended to undermine your emotional well being) - I'll just list them all, you pick the ones that apply. Said things to spite or insult you infront of others, telling you how you should feel or what you should like or not like, said or acted like you were stupid, called you names or swore at you, insulted you, taunted you in the name of fun, telling you that you will fail, telling you that you can't make it on your own, blaming you for all things that go wrong, accused you of having an affair, balmed you for his problems, withheld affection to punish you, put down you physical appearance, teasing, criticized you care of children/home, told you you were crazy or irrational, yelling or screaming at you, ignored you or your feelings, blaming you for his faults, accusing you of being violent when you protect yourself in anyway, labelling you as stupid, bitch, ugly or whore, using information about your past to hurt you, told you the family would be better off without you, attacked pets or property.


Anger and intimidation - Does he change his mood suddenly, shout and yell, hit walls or tables, stomp out of the room/house, give the silent treatment, throw or kick things, drive the car in a dangerous or frightening way, implied he has "connections" that can be used against you, threatened to hurt someone you love?


Using Children - does he use the children to keep track of you or spy on you, refuse to watch the children, interfere with the care of the children, belittle you infront of the children, sabatoge your parenting, threaten to take the children, prevented access to the children, used the children to relay messages, needs, demands to you, refusing to participate in the care of the children, threaten to harm the children, threaten to fight you for custody of the children, made the children watch or participate in your abuse, threaten to report you to Children's Aid or the police, using the children as a means to harass you.


Spiritual abuse - using religious authority against you, using scripture against you, attacking your beliefs, destroying your soul.