Giving our relationship a second chance
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Giving our relationship a second chance
| Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:28am |
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We moved in with each other 1 month after dating. He has always been a wonderful man and provider, but last Summer I cheated on him. I told him about it 3 months later because I made a mistake and wanted to move on as though nothing happened. After I told him he explained to me how hurt he was and wanted to understand why I did it. It was only because of physical attraction. He tried to forget about it, but he said it was hard to move on. We broke up and I went to stay with my mom. We always remained friends and still spent time together and still had sex. He always told me that he didn't want to be in another relationship because I hurt him so bad. He never cheated on me and always made sure I was happy and he couldn't understand what he did wrong. He and a co-worker became close, he had a crush on her, but she was involved with someone. They never had sex, but they flirted, and spent time together. He also started talking to someone he met at a club, but she was also in a relationship. He talked to both of these girls on the phone and had an interest in both. We had been broken up for 7 months and just recently got another apartment together. I was seeing someone before we got together, but when we moved in, I stopped talking to him. We both were supposed to get our cell phone numbers changed, and I did, but he hasn't. I checked his phone, and he still calls both of these girls, but I don't talk to my friend anymore because I want him to trust me. He tells me that he loves me and that he wants up to work out and forget about the past. How can I if the past is a part of the future. He does not know I check his cell phone. When he's at home he turns his phone off. Should I worry? What should I do?

It seems that you two rush into things without thinking it through. Moving in together after a month of dating, cheating on someone because of physical attraction (I doubt that was the only reason), then moving in together again. What is really going on? This seems like an impulsive mess.
Now he is attracted to women who aren't available. Makes perfect sense. They can't hurt him if he already knows that they have boyfriends. You can't hurt him again if he is flirting with others. This is how is set up the situation-so he doesn't get hurt again.
Sounds like you two need to have a serious heart to heart about what is going on and what each of you wants from the relationship. If I were you I would move out, start over and go slow. I would also do some serious soul searching-explore why you cheated and what will prevent you from doing it again.
It sounds like you both have made mstakes and are taking turns "getting back at each other". I would sit down and let him know you knw that he is still keeping contact with these females. If this is strictly just freindships, i dont see how you would have a valid reason for getting upset, it was you that cheated. I think you may be just insecure because you see how it feels now to be on the other side of things.
If you are serious about making this work, than you both need to try. If he wants to be serious with you, then he needs to start to include you in these feindships, and you the same with yours. It needs to be a team effort or it will never work.