Going through boyfriends cell phone

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Going through boyfriends cell phone
5
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 5:19pm

Me and my boyfriend have been together only a few months... The problem is his ex is always callin him and textin him so this morning he forgot his phone and I know i was wrong:( but I went through it just because i had a feeling something was goin on..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 5:42pm

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know this is really tough. But I don't think there is any way to misconstrue what you read, which means you need to leave. Tell him what you saw, give him a chance to explain if you want, and then you need to end the relationship. Yes, he'll be upset that you looked through his phone, but in the end it doesn't really matter because you've discovered that he wants to be with someone else. He may not be cheating, but he's definitely not emotionally available when his heart is with another girl.

I had a very similar situation happen to me with an old college boyfriend, and I chose to believe his "explanation" (he said she was going through family trouble and he was trying to give her hope by letting her believe he still wanted to be with her). So I stayed for another few years before discovering that he was having an affair, and then I was REALLY heartbroken. It would have been easier if I had left in the beginning when he showed me who he really was. Our gut feelings are usually correct. Your gut told you to look in his phone, and look what you found. Believe it. There are men out there who want to love you, not their ex girlfriends. I promise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 6:06pm
Thank you for your advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 6:19pm
Instead of "confronting" him, I would just tell him what you saw and split. Think about it: is there ANYTHING he could say that would make you think what he said to his ex was innocent? It's not innocent. He either wants to be with his ex or is just insecure and wants to have a "backup plan" in case you leave him. Either way, it's unacceptable and you should cut your losses and get away!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 7:02pm
ITA with this post. Hand his phone back, say "sorry but it's over", give back his favorite t-shirt and usher him to the door.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 12:45am

Welcome to the board jlove08,


I totally agree with keeiio's advice, I hope you take it.