Goldigger or Smart Woman
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| Sun, 06-06-2004 - 7:12pm |
I've dated and I've had several relationships, and I have heard more bullcrap coming out of men, trying to get into my pants, more than I care to count.
When a guy says he cares, and he is in love, and if he has the where with all to help you out monetarily wise, then, isn't it a fair assessment, that to test someones love for you, it is fair to see if they are willing to put their money where their mouth is?
I have found, that those that give the most in this regard, for the most part, care the most. Now I am not talking about breaking a partner, I am only talking instances where he obviously has the money, and he knows you are struggling, and in a predicament, wouldn't a guy who says they care, come through?
Well, I am dating, well dated, this guy. He is pretty well off. We get along fairly well. I thought I was going to be "his partner for life" as he calls it.
Long story short, my abusive ex went after me for custody, (long story) and financially, it really took a toll on me. The trial dragged on and on, and coming up with the money to stay in the battle was hard. I had JUST started my business at the time, and asked my "partner for life" if he could help me through this bad and temporary spot.
I was very surprised and disappointed with his goofy responses. He said he had to think about it, and then, he was making up all these excuses, saying that his brother owes him money, and his brother disappeared on him, and how he did not want that to happen to us. How he did not want me to all of sudden, keep my distance, beause of the money he "lent" me. (then just make it a gift then!!) He also made up some lame excuse about negotiating with my attorneys, (yeah right) and then finally he said he would send me a gift, which when I got it, it was a check for a whole $200.
With this, I knew that I was just not as important in his life as he said I was. It was just a bunch of lip service in my mind, and his way of telling me where i stood. We live in two different states, and he flies me in to see him. When I am there, he wines and dines me, and we go to fancy restaruants. He buys and sells properties, and he is able to come up with cash like it is nothing. And he is constantly telling me about how successful he is, and this and that.
So when he responded like this to me, I was very disapointed. I broke up with him, stopped giving him the goodies, although we still talk. But with each conversation, he will still expect the same type of relationship, and asks to come see me, and fly up here, and the like. Since I now think he is full of crap, I never give in to his requests. But I do get annoyed that he asks.
I tapered things off, and just told him, no more rendevous. He failed my "test" , and I do not like people who lie and say they care, when they really don't. He did not step up to the plate.
Now, seven months later, he is still bothering me, expecting me to fly all around the world with him. Since the trial, I've picked myself up, and just worked hard to come up with the money myself. I had to let a few people go at the office, as I could not afford to pay them, but now, business is looking up again. I am glad I figured it all out myself, but I am disapointed at his response to me during that difficult time, and now I am getting annoyed that he just does not get it, and how I am not going to see him anymore. He does not deserve me.
If the shoe were on the other foot, I would've gladly help him out.
I know a lot of people would call me a gold digger, but I just do not see it that way. Why be involved with someone who is just going to use you? I do not want to be used.

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I hope you get everything you're looking for. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding, by the way. :o)
I guess the difference between this guy and my fiance is that my fiance's actions match his words. That is the best way to describe it. Like I said, when I met him, he did not have a job, but actions and intentions were true.
I think my ex misrepresented himself. Why pretend you are a high roller when you are not? What do you think he was trying to pull? And in reality, I already had my answer I guess before I asked him, because why else would that be a deal breaker. It was more of the last straw. Fine, you do not want to help, but stop with all the flaunting.
You made a comparison to my girlfriend, and of course the two relationships are two entirely different things. But then again, if my girlfriend acted one way, and then said another, ALL of the time, I would doubt I would be her girlfriend any longer.
Especially after that whole trial ordeal. Never in my life, would I have imagined that could come up with $50K in like 2 months. But for my son, I found a way. It is not about money, but more about accordance to what is important, and apparantly, I was not important to my ex. I made a few lucky lucky business deals in time, and came up with the money, but my well off ex, would've been happy to see me drown, and relayed a story about himself, about how used to live in streets, and how we all go through bad times. Whatever. And then of course, he made himself scarce while I was going through the ordeal. I was a nervous nervous wreck. And then two months later, when it is all over, he is talking that talk, and wanting to come fly out and see me, and how proud he is of me, and how impressed he is, whatever. I can do better and I did do better.
Either way, my ex is a jerk. He either lied about his intentions with me, or he lied about his lifestyle. Either way, he is an insincere liar. And I want him to leave me alone.
I have high expectations for anyone I have ever been involved with. Those that haven't met my expectations haven't been around long. Among my expectations are personal integrity, honesty, unconditional love, respect, kindness, physical affection. To me, money isn't a big deal. Money can be made and it can be lost.
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