good marriage/no love

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
good marriage/no love
2
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 11:44pm
I am currently 24 years old and have been married for 3 1/2 years to someone I dated for a year. He is a good guy...he takes good care of me and we have a peaceful life. There is one big lingering problem though, I'm not in love with him. I never was. I don't know why I married someone I was not in love with..but I did. Now I do not want to be intimate with him (never really did) and I find myself fighting thoughts about other men. The other thing is that a long time male friend of mine and I have recently been talking a lot and I find myself wanting to be with him. We have always talked like I can never talk with my husband and we have everything in common. My husband and I do not have much in common at all other than we are both good people. This friend has encouraged me to seek help and advice and told me to be sure it was over before I ended it. At the same time, I know he feels the same way I do...we love each other.

I want to get a divorce, but I feel guilty...like I am being selfish and not holding up my commitments...but I don't want to deprive my husband of love either. What advice can you offer?

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:19pm
Go to counseling on your own, it will give you perspective, a place to sort out your feelings, help you make the right decision, figure out why you married someone you didn't love or want to have sex with and help you overcome the guilt and selfishness you feel at wanting out. It can help.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:35pm
I am doing that right now, thanks. If you have any other advice, I welcome it.

Thank you,

youngleigh