Good Wife/Mom or Bad Wife/Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Good Wife/Mom or Bad Wife/Mom
6
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 12:10am

I guess that I am in need of some and advice and direction from non-biases 3rd parties. I am at the end and this is seriously hurting my marriage.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 1:26am

Welcome to the board mtblueaudity,


I strongly suggest marriage counseling. I don't blame you for being upset and frustrated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 7:01am

A couple of questions...


-Who cared for the children when you were at work?


-Did you return to work when your baby was 6 weeks old because YOU wanted to, or did you feel pressured?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 12:30pm

I think it's very understandable why you are frustrated. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't with him.

My advice is to stop trying to please him. Since he's going to complain regardless of what you do, you may as well do what YOU want to do. Your job is going to be a bigger part of your life than his life anyway. He shouldn't be the one making those decisions for you. You're the only one who knows what you'll be happiest doing, and the happier you are with your job, the better it will be for the rest of your family because you'll be able to devote more of yourself to them.

Just ignore him when he starts complaining about what you have or haven't done. You've already tried listening to him and figuring out what exactly he wants and seen that he wasn't able to give you a clear response. There's nothing more you can do so you may as well just go and do what you need to do for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 1:19pm

My daughter is in school now in the first grade; so when she wasn't at school. She was at home with him.


My son was either at daycare or at home with his father.


I returned to work when my son was 6 weeks old basically under the same time of situation that I am undernow. I was told that I had to have a good job, but I needed to be at home and be a good mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 2:25pm

Welcome to the obard mtblueaudity,


I think you just need to ask him what it is that he really wants to you to do. Remind him that you have had jobs offers that he didn't find acceptable and that when you were working before he made you quit because he didn't like it. Tell him you are confused and don't know what in the world he wants you to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 1:32pm
He is sending you mixed messages and I think you have some mixed feelings of your own regarding leaving your children for 60+ hours per week. I agree that working from home is better. If you are really financially fine with things as they are. then marriage counseling may be the answer. You need to get to the heart of what his problem is- he isn't happy with you working or not working. Maybe he resents you either way and had no idea how difficult taking care of a baby is.