Great at friendship terrible at intimacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Great at friendship terrible at intimacy
2
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:01pm

This is the guy I have been dating now for over a year --



a really nice guy, good father, dedicated worker, and great, reliable trustworthy friend, but a not so great intimate parter

he isn't a *bad* guy-- he is actually a nice guy and he enjoys my company... but he recoils at closeness, intimacy, and love in the real sense. He can say "I love you" but can't elaborate. He can have sex, but not be passionate or emotional about it. He stops short of what Im are looking for, but because he is so nice, I keep wanting to believe he will reach a certain level of intimacy, but it doesn't seem like he can

WHAT IS THIS???

Has anyone out there had this?

What did you do about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:11pm
Imtimacy issues are a tough one without some counseling to help define the problems.

You can try 'Relationship Rescue' by Dr Phil as he explains some of this.

Hopefully, someone will have some good advice for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:23pm
I understand where you're coming from in a sense. My man of a year didn't really start out as MINE in the beginning. For the lack of a better word, we were more f**kbuddies for the first 4-5 months. Exclusive, but just physical just the same. Close friends, but just physically intimate. Well, as time went on, when we realized that we would work as a couple We actually had a mishap with pregnancy, of which for me turned out as a fallopian tube conception and I had to abort. Since then, we immediately became close, and the things he used to say in the beginning, "I can't express my feelings" or "I don't want a steady g/f" or other more disappointing things, we now have a very intimate relationship and when we get to see each other most of the time it's the little twinkle in his and my eyes that spark up, little cuddling, giggling, and it rocks my world. I hope for you that in the future, you relationship progresses into this. Don't expect him to drop every thing and be this amazing intimate guy. Try something new in bed, perhaps, or write a list of things you love that he does sometimes in bed. Or some good times you've had. Say you'd like to try new things and that you think your relationship would benefit from more exicting endeavors in the bedroom.

Hopefully this helps... I have enough probs with my b/f still, but I got the faith, girl! lol... good luck...

-Rinny

lorenzerinv@hotmail.com