A grueling life choice, please help....
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A grueling life choice, please help....
| Sun, 10-17-2004 - 11:28pm |
Hi,
I am going to try to make a long story short. My husband and I have been together for 7 seven years and married for six. He is Dominican and I am (hispanic) American and we have a three year old son together. We have been living in the Dominican Republic fr six years (we met in the States). Now that you have the background, here is the problem:
I recently started studying medicine here and I truly feel that this is my life's calling. In the time that I have been in this country , I have suported him in his businesses and spent many long lonely hours alone and thousands of miles from my family. We are in a transitional state , financially speaking being that he is no longer in business and is really kind of trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. I receive financial aid and my family helps me out with what they can in the way of books and stuff. All I ask of him is that he provide for us and help me with our son (whom I have raised almost by myself because of lack of his father's physical presence). He was very supportive my first semester and I totally aced my classes and even got a paper published! I was very excited and exhilarated to finally be valued for my intelligence and not for just being valued as wife and mommy (although I love that too). I warned him before going into this that as a student, I was going to have to put my heart and soul into this and that it was going to require great sacrifice on his part and I asked him if he was willing to support me. he said yes. Now he is singing a different tune saying that I spend too much time studying, that he needs time as well and that my son needs my atention. I dedicate plenty of time to my son I cook for him, I bathe him, I read him stories every night before I tuck him in and I play with him, whenever he wants. I guess I could spend some more time with my husband but he wants me to quit studying medicine altogether! I am heartbroken....this is my passion aside from my son's security (financial). I say that since he isn't offering us a better alternative, he should let me pursue my dream beacues we'll all be better off for it. He says that he doesn't know what is going to happen in the future and that I could leave him or he could become terminally ill (drama) and I could abandon him (hello! I am studying to be a doctor! How coud you think I would abandon a terminally ill person let alone my own husband, the father of my child!). His behavior makes no sense to me.....he went as far as to present an ultimatum. If I don't quit my studies (or study something "easier"---he mentioned something about me being too dumb to learn things in a shorter period of time.....thats why I had to study do much) that he wanted a separartion! I thought he must be joking but he was serious! This is tearing me up inside ...... how could he be so cruel? I can't imagine leaving my studies behind and having to pay back my loans thus far every month knowing that I didn't finish! I am not a college graduate so what are my chances of finding meaningful, good paying employment? He says it doesn't matter, that if I want and love my family I will do it. This is so unfair! My friends say that he is intimidated by my intelligence (he didn't notice how intelligent I was until I began to study and spread my wings)and that he is afraid of a woman that may make more money than he does. I don't care about any of that, I am just thinking of my son, my dreams, the meaning in my life....doesn't that account for anythingor amI being selfish for wanting a career that asks much of me. I do love him but I am very disilusioned with his behaviour lately. What should I do??? any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I am going to try to make a long story short. My husband and I have been together for 7 seven years and married for six. He is Dominican and I am (hispanic) American and we have a three year old son together. We have been living in the Dominican Republic fr six years (we met in the States). Now that you have the background, here is the problem:
I recently started studying medicine here and I truly feel that this is my life's calling. In the time that I have been in this country , I have suported him in his businesses and spent many long lonely hours alone and thousands of miles from my family. We are in a transitional state , financially speaking being that he is no longer in business and is really kind of trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. I receive financial aid and my family helps me out with what they can in the way of books and stuff. All I ask of him is that he provide for us and help me with our son (whom I have raised almost by myself because of lack of his father's physical presence). He was very supportive my first semester and I totally aced my classes and even got a paper published! I was very excited and exhilarated to finally be valued for my intelligence and not for just being valued as wife and mommy (although I love that too). I warned him before going into this that as a student, I was going to have to put my heart and soul into this and that it was going to require great sacrifice on his part and I asked him if he was willing to support me. he said yes. Now he is singing a different tune saying that I spend too much time studying, that he needs time as well and that my son needs my atention. I dedicate plenty of time to my son I cook for him, I bathe him, I read him stories every night before I tuck him in and I play with him, whenever he wants. I guess I could spend some more time with my husband but he wants me to quit studying medicine altogether! I am heartbroken....this is my passion aside from my son's security (financial). I say that since he isn't offering us a better alternative, he should let me pursue my dream beacues we'll all be better off for it. He says that he doesn't know what is going to happen in the future and that I could leave him or he could become terminally ill (drama) and I could abandon him (hello! I am studying to be a doctor! How coud you think I would abandon a terminally ill person let alone my own husband, the father of my child!). His behavior makes no sense to me.....he went as far as to present an ultimatum. If I don't quit my studies (or study something "easier"---he mentioned something about me being too dumb to learn things in a shorter period of time.....thats why I had to study do much) that he wanted a separartion! I thought he must be joking but he was serious! This is tearing me up inside ...... how could he be so cruel? I can't imagine leaving my studies behind and having to pay back my loans thus far every month knowing that I didn't finish! I am not a college graduate so what are my chances of finding meaningful, good paying employment? He says it doesn't matter, that if I want and love my family I will do it. This is so unfair! My friends say that he is intimidated by my intelligence (he didn't notice how intelligent I was until I began to study and spread my wings)and that he is afraid of a woman that may make more money than he does. I don't care about any of that, I am just thinking of my son, my dreams, the meaning in my life....doesn't that account for anythingor amI being selfish for wanting a career that asks much of me. I do love him but I am very disilusioned with his behaviour lately. What should I do??? any advice would be greatly appreciated!
