guy and girl friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
guy and girl friends?
3
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 11:12pm
I'm used to my finaceé having friends that are girls. His best friend is a girl whom he's been engaged to before and currently still lives with (yes, I know it's weird, but they're more like siblings than anything else). But recently he's been talking to this other girl. I just have a weird feeling about her. I can't help everytime I know he's talking to her to feel jealous. I'm not afraid he'll cheat on me with her. I feel more like she likes him even though she knows he's taken. Like the way she talks to him I feel like she's flirting and trying to "steal" him away. I don't want to accuse her of anything I don't know for sure, but it's also hard to deny my gut feelings. I've talked to him about it, he's reassured me that I'm the only one for him. I trust him. I just don't trust her. I also don't want him to lose a friend because of me, but I don't know how to stop feeling jealous everytime I find out they're talking or when she's mentioned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 8:37am

Its usually a rule of thumb for me to never ignore my gut feelings, because they are usually right. You owe it to yourself to at least questions their intentions.Heck! he owes it to you and the relationship. You say that you dont wanna make him ruin a freindship??But you'll let her ruin your relationship?


Good luck, keep us posted.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 9:16am
First of all, do you know this girl? If so, how well? Maybe you should approach her and speak to her woman to woman and let her know that while you have no problems with her friendship with your fiancee, you have some uneasy feelings about her intentions and you wanted to clear the air so that it doesn't cause problems. In speaking to her face to face, chances are you'll be able to tell if she is being honest with you about her intentions. Let her know straight up that you take your engagement seriously and that although you value their friendship, you value your relationship more and want to make sure these feelings you are having don't jeapordize that or cause problems for anyone.

Have you talked to him about this? Have you asked him to relay your feelings to her? If she is not someone you know, ask him to introduce you. Maybe getting to know her on a personal level will aleviate those uneasy feelings. But as the prior reply states, usually you have gut feelings for a reason and they are usually right. "if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.....its a duck"

Best of luck to you. And I do agree, him being roommates with his ex is a strange situation. You must have alot of faith and trust in your man.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 11:42am

You have a right (and responsibility to yourself) to create boundaries in your relationship that you are comfortable with. If you are uneasy about your fiancee tlking to a woman who you feel is coming onto him, or that makes you feel strange in any other way, it is perfectly appropriate to have to him stop talking to her.