Guys night out
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| Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:38am |
There have been some major trust issues in my 2 ½ year relationship; we are currently working on them. A lot of it stems from his relationships and interactions with other women. He has assured me that he has changed, and will not hurt me again. Because of my lack of trust, he has become very distant from his life other than me. He barely ever goes out with his friends because he is afraid that I will get upset. Recently, he has expressed concern to me that he would like some quality guy-time with his buddies, which I do completely understand the need for, however due to past situations, I am rather uncomfortable with. He has told me that he will be going out to the bar this weekend with his single friend. They want to go out and have a couple of beers and good time. He has always been the “wing-man” for this friend and vice versa. Immediately after he told me, my stomach turned into knots and I felt as though I was going to be sick. This feeling continued throughout the night and I could not sleep. I know the feeling will be even worse on the day of the actual event. I honestly do not want to control him and not let him go out, however I do not know how to control my feelings towards the matter. How to deal with my intense worry. Upon trying to express my feelings towards him, he becomes irritated because “I am over reacting.” But if this is case, I do not know how to stop, it is an involuntary feeling. How would you approach your significant about your feelings. Is there some type of mutual agreement where both parties can be happy? Is it wrong for committed man to go be someone else’s “wing-man” for the night? Are there other activities to suggest for them to do instead of getting drunk and trying to pick up women?

Welcome to the board jdbettyboop,
I think you are jumping to conclusions about what they will be doing when they go out. Just because he used to be his "wing-man" doesn't mean that he will be now, and just because they are going to a bar doesn't mean they will be picking up woman. My DH went out with a single friend to a bar last night after work and I wasn't worried one bit. Granted he has never given me any reason to worry and to not trust him.
You still have major trust issues with him and I don't see these being resolved with going to couples counseling together.
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Just because you feel sick or uncomfortable about your guy going out without you is no reason to bring it up to him. Oftentimes we feel worried about something and our fear is unreasonable, so it's best not to mention it to our s.o.
Talk to a friend...a counselor...people need to feel like their loved one trust them. Trust is so important in any relationship.
Put yourself in your bf's shoes--imagine if he got upset when you wanted to go out with your girlfriends alone.
Hi jdbettyboop -
Here's your previous post: Can men change?
What you mentioned in the previous post, well, it's natural that you would worry about what he's going to do while he's out with his friend.