Habits you hate

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Habits you hate
7
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 4:13pm

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I know that he has a habit of smoking and I don't mean just cigaretes. I told him that it made me very uncomfortable when he does it but I don't want him to stop just because I don't like the idea of it.


Last night one of our friends had him on speaker phone and asked him if he wanted to go smoke and he didn't know that I was listening to the conversation. At first he said no but after a while he said if you can find a car then come down and we will. I find this to be a betrayl because early that day he promised me he would quit. I confronted him and he told me that he was just joking but I think that that was a cover up just so I wouldn't be mad.


I don't know how I will trust him if he is going to do that when he doesn't think that I am listening. I could really use some advise because we are engaged and I want to figure out how I can live with this before I marry him and I want to be able to trust him. He has lied to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 5:38pm

You're engaged after six months? How old are you? Why are you engaged to this guy and why do you feel like you know him/yourself/your relationship after dating such an incredibly short time before taking this step?

You don't ask someone to quit something. You met him when he was smoking, I assume... Well you're engaged to a druggie and I think you should understand the consequences of that. He probably gets along with his friends under the pretense that they will be smoking together. He can't even quit a matter of hours after he promises to. I'm not sure what you find so great about him but this whole situation has me shaking my head.

At six months you're still getting to know someone and realistically, this is the BEST you will ever see of him. I'd give your relationship some serious time and effort before taking that step into marriage... It's NOT a step you can take back easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 7:48pm
Do you want to possibly raise children with a man who lies to you and smokes pot? Do you want to marry a man who you obviously don't know very well? There are things you are still learning about him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 7:16pm
thanks for ur reply. I know we have only been dating for six months but we have known eachother for a lot longer. almost 2 years. I know that he cant quit in just a few hours. What i see in him is a guy who really cares about me and a guy that I know will treat me right. he is very nice and yeah he has this habit but he doesnt do it all the time. Thank you any way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 7:20pm
I think that u are the first one to actually say something that I can understand. Yeah he does smoke but he does it once in a great while. I do want him to be the father of my kids because I have known this man for 2 years and I trust him in the sense that he will take care of them and not be hi when he is around them. thank you for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 8:33pm
You're obviously dating a very immature individual. Marijuana is not addictive, so yes, you can quit in just a few hours. Also, why do you feel the need to be engaged so soon? Why don't you just take it slow and work out your trust issues before you take these huge steps. It would be beneficial to your relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 2:57am
I am in the very same situation .my bf although he says he quit smoking he hasnt quick smoking weed. he does pretty much every day n leaves me every weekend to be with his friend n hang out. this has caused numerous fights betweens us n he tells me " i need a toke every day or else i wanna rip someones head off, its like cigerettes, you just crave them every day all day" when he talks like this it makes me feel like he still does smoke cigerettes behind my back n on weekend with his friend. when i ask him he gets so mad n says " i quick for you, i dont smoke! how many times do i have to tell you i dont smoke cigerettes" but ifeel he just says that so i wont nag and bitch at him more. im getting fed up with all of it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 5:19pm
I know wat u mean and my bf has stopped for now. he still does cigerates but that doesnt bother me as much. I love my bf. I have known him for more than 2 years and I am very happy that he asked me to marry him. I know that it is hard to trust him when he is away from u but my bf is proving to me that he really wants to keep me in his life because he has not done it since.