had to cut him off

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
had to cut him off
5
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 11:57pm
i had to cut my boyfirend off from sex because i kept having panic attackes afterwards...im worryed that this might become a be problem for him and he'll break up with me. he told me it was my choice, and he seemed some what ok. but im worred...can anyone tell me how to help him with this while im trying to feguire out what is going on with me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:39am
You are worried about helping *him* through this? Why not help yourself and get to the root of the problem so you can control your panic attacks.

Have you ever been a victim of sexual assault? Have you been to therapy for your attacks?

Stopping sex is like turning up the volumne on the car radio so that you don't hear the weird noises that the car is making. You don't hear the noises anymore but the car needs to be fixed.

If he loves you and respects you he will stand by you and help you through this. Why would he break up with you over this? And if he says he won't, why won't you trust him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 1:01am
no i was never sexually attacked. but im still having trouble firguring out why this is happening. it wasnt always like this. we used to have a very good sex life. the only thing i can come up with is that i might be feeling gulity because my parents just found out that im having sex and they are very much agensst it but that doesnt full explain it cause i dont freak out when im around my parents, just when i know that is going to happen. and the reason im worred about him leaving is because to him sex to him is the closet that he feels to me. a way of us showing how we feel the best...understand?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 3:07pm
Do you have panic attacks during oral, hand jobs, or boob jobs?

If not, use these until you figure out a way to chill.

And, are you over 18? If so explain to your parents (or your mom if that is better) the precautions you are using for STD's and prego's. It might make her feel better.

Jessa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 5:20pm
It is happening because you feel pressure from both your boyfriend and your parents. You are caught in between and feel such guilt that it is overwhelming. You have to decide what is best from you and ask for respect from those around you for your decision.

I think you may suspect that he will leave you based on his personality and maybe some facts. What are they?

'to him sex to him is the closet that he feels to me. a way of us showing how we feel the best...'

I knew guys that would say this to girls to get them to sleep with them. Do you think he is sincere or pressuring you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 9:29pm
he reallys means that. that im sure of. its be awhile since the last time we did anything and he hasnt tryed anything...but i know it bothers him. cause two of his ex's cut him off before and it truned out they where cheating on him. i learned this beofore all this started. whcih is one of the things that bothers me most. i dont wont him thinking im cheating on him. he has joking brought it up but i think he might think that in the back of his mind.