hahaha, a post from a guy???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
hahaha, a post from a guy???
8
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 11:49pm

Hi folks, first timer, I've spent the better part of the day online, just doing nothing, reading relationship trouble stuff....yall know how it goes....I must say there is a lot of stuff out there on the problems between men and women....duhhh...Anyway, I guess I'm joinin the club so to speak....


My "fiance" and I have been together for 3 1/2 years now, and I guess we're both just bored, with the kids, the jobs, the bills, the school work, the this the that....co she collectively we have 5 kids, yeah whoa! None with each other though. We've both been married before, so this is the 2nd time around. I just feel we are growing further and further apart, for example, it's one of our only days off during the week and we've spent about 30 consecutive minutes together all day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 8:29am

You've posted every reason in the world why you should split up. Do you know what's keeping you together? Are the only things you have in common being divorcées and having kids? Because those are "superficial" commonalities, things that don't define you as individual human beings, they only describe your relationships with other people. In order to succeed as a couple you must have similarities between your personalities - not just the exterior stuff people list in dating profiles. When two people resonate on the same wavelength they share an emotional connection in spite of different backgrounds or life stories or favorite TV shows. Do you feel like you're similar enough as two separate people to get along? Do you find her attractive in spite of her chubbiness?

Two people who are opposites, even complete opposites, can form a good union IF their partner's traits are desirable to them and complement their need to have an opposite energy in their life. Often we are attracted to someone with opposite/complementary traits from us because that person manifests a side of us we are keeping hidden or repressed, or because we are subconsciously attempting to recreate a relationship similar to the one our parents had when we were growing up.

So I think it would be wise for you to think about whether you're together BECAUSE of your differences, or IN SPITE of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 10:41am
Agreed, except the negatives,what is it that makes you stay?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 11:15am

Perhaps one of the advantages to these boards is that you will get

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 1:27pm

Welcome to the board uncertain2008,


Guys are welcomed here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 7:38pm

thank you for the response, I guess I was picking the bad things about the relationship as I was tired and just not feeling fulfilled at that time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 7:48pm

thanks for the reply,


what makes me stay...shes funny, she's great with ALL 15 million of our kids, she's a reader, which means she's a learner, which means growth is inevitable, she's also stubborn, hahahaha. I feel she is my hope for a better me....I can honestly say the things that are bugging me stem solely or at least 95% from our differences, just some of the ways we think, view things, and our feelings about certain things, but they are not "problems with one another"....the birthday thing, yeah, she could've been a little more open towards that, and yes I could've tried harder to understand her point of view...we're still learning, it's just that the learning has slowed down alot since our time and energy spent on "us" has dwindled down to minutes in each day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 8:03pm
I agree that we have something wonderfully special...(sigh)....It's just I don't know how to make it better, I don't want to see our relationship fizzle, and it is fizzling at a rate of speed likened only to that of a roach when the lights come on! Sorry, I'm kinda back to my silly "I love this peanut headed girl" self, just after spending 5 minutes with her before she took off to work....and even as I say that my hearts hiccups a beat....I get up at 3:30 a.m. and leave round quarter to 5, I get home between 4:30 and 6:00, she gets the kids to school and then gets to class for 8, back home at 3 with the kids, gets dinner started and gets started on homework, she leaves between 5:30 and 6:00 to get to work, and gets home between 11:30 and midnight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 8:17pm
Thank you, I guess it is time to dust off that copy of 5 Love Languages huh?