happily married but......
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happily married but......
| Sat, 05-01-2004 - 4:03pm |
My husband have been married 7 years we are best friends, we have two wonderful children. But something is missing. It is all sexual and I have talked to him for years about the problem. He just says my sex drive is different. We end up fighting over this all the time. It is really starting to get to me. I am satisfied when we are together but it isn’t as often as I need it to be. And I realize a few times a week is average but I have tried to put it out of my mind and ignore it but I can’t help it. I have started to think I should stray. I have never thought of this before and I do believe I should remain faithful, but the more I think of it the more it makes since. I would be safe of course and very discreet, and this would maybe stop all the fighting that revolves around it. I know this all sounds bad but outside the bedroom I have everything I could want. I am really lost what should I do?

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Do you get an orgasm everytime you have sex? If you're not getting it, that could be why you need to have sex so often..? (you can show him how you can get it)
That's not the case, is masturbation an option for you?
Another thing is, exercise. You may have extra energy you are not burning off. Why I say this is because whenever I get extra rest like mid afternoon nap, I feel frisky. Otherwise, I've never ever been in the mood for sex in the middle of the day!
Finally, if none of these are the cause, you may want to see a sex therapist. Not him, you need to go. --but please don't throw away everything you've got for this. I know you are not going to find a guy who wants to have sex more than a few time a week that easily!
not a few times a week I didn't catch that in my last statement.. a few times a month. once a week tops. and I think it maybe the fact that he is not a man that is really agressive or really tries anything new we have tried very few things in the 7 years, I on the other had really thought that after you were married is when you can explore without really feeling like your a (for lack of better words) tramp. I am not talking wips and chains I just get tried of the same things, I am satisfied but it maybe a little to do with the how more than the how much. He thinks I am tired of him when I bring it up, and It isn't him I would like us to explore more things or at least be a little more open to the thought. He just will not even talk about sex without it turning into a fight. The strange thing is it's not that he is a real uptight person he will joke about things that if brought up in the bedroom would become a fight, I have thought before that it was me he was not wanting, but I have changed alot, with my son I gained alot but took it off quick and ended up in better shape than I had been when we married, with my daughter same thing well she is almost two now and I'm not in better shape but the same as when we married at any rate. and through it all it's been about the same. So I don't feel like It's me so much as he is just content and not willing to make sure I am. make more since?
and its a few 3 or 4( more so 3) times a month not just 1 unless we are fighting over it and I am strong enough to stand ground that long.
hi and hugs! i know how you feel, altho my marriage is/was even worse - in seven years we never (yes, never) had sex. there were 'attempts' and there was some 'fumbling' but---- not alot and not fun. and like you
Seems like we have exactly same kind of husband!!!
Like you, I have absolutely no problem with my marriage with him. He's good dad, helpful, responsible and we joke about everything!... only problem I have is the same, he is not as spontaneous as I want him to be when it comes to sex. (Although I'm happy with once a week sex --personally I don't want more than that..)
For the intimacy part, I'm still working on it, so I cannot give you my successful experience yet, but how about you try not to come off too serious or angry when you talk about this issue? When I used to do that, we got into argument. Now I try to be more 'naughty' about it .. you can say I act more slutty with him now. Treat him like he gives me the best sex (even though that's far from the truth!!) One night after our climax, I told him 'you're sooo addictive.. I don't know how I can stop' then he gave me a big smile (now who doesn't feel good being told you are such a good lover?) then right after that, I asked him "now next time, do you wannna be a dirty doctor? Should I make an appointment with you? --or you wanna be a police officer?" (yes, slutty way) he said "I rather be a doctor" surprisingly.(trust me, he's not that type to participate) I think guys are more attentative when you come off positively (or say slutty?)and make sure you ask what you want right after his climax!
As for frequency of sex, when you want it, can you just start grabbing his pxxxx & give him oral..? I've never met a guy says no to that!
It's a very slow process, maybe it will be long time away til he starts initiating steamy sex, but I'll keep trying..
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