happily married but......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
happily married but......
13
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 4:03pm
My husband have been married 7 years we are best friends, we have two wonderful children. But something is missing. It is all sexual and I have talked to him for years about the problem. He just says my sex drive is different. We end up fighting over this all the time. It is really starting to get to me. I am satisfied when we are together but it isn’t as often as I need it to be. And I realize a few times a week is average but I have tried to put it out of my mind and ignore it but I can’t help it. I have started to think I should stray. I have never thought of this before and I do believe I should remain faithful, but the more I think of it the more it makes since. I would be safe of course and very discreet, and this would maybe stop all the fighting that revolves around it. I know this all sounds bad but outside the bedroom I have everything I could want. I am really lost what should I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 2:02pm
I know slutty, I have tried that, it works for him however the late nights are not for him which in return leaves me worse than when I started. He is 33 to the other post, I’m 26 that’s what bothers me, people say 30’s is when the need grows I’ll be screwed in a few years if that is the case, And not in the way I’ll need it. also I have brought up the fact that a doctor may help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:23am
Cheating is definately not the answer. I mean you have two children, so why would you want to mess that up. You say outside of the bedroom, you have everything you want...well to fix your problem you need to sit your husband down and tell him how you feel honestly. You can't just keep it all bottled up inside until you burst because then that will make you do something you will regret and will probably break up your family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:31am
You say outside the bedroom you have everything you could want. And yet, you are willing to risk losing it all by making one single bad choice....cheating. Is it possible there might be something else deep down that is causing you feel this way? I know it's probably hard not to feel you are being rejected if he's not interested in being intimate when you are. But would you say you have a deep emotional bond with him? Are you close emotionally? Oftentimes women equate sex with emotional closeness and they self-esteem is all wrapped up in how interested their partner seems in them physically. While men many times don't feel that way about it as much. Have you two considered counselling? Oftentimes when a couple can't solve an ongoing problem on their own, professional guidance can help. If you have different sexual desires and drives, you'll need to find some way to compromise that you both can be satisfied with. How old are you? A woman reaches her sexual prime much, much later than her husband, so in a few years you both might be more on the same page. Ultimatums, arguments, blaming, confrontations....none of those things will help. Cheating will also never solve this problem -- it will only create new ones. No matter how "discreet" you are. You can believe me on that one. Good luck.

(I edited my previous message when I read down further in the thread that you mistakenly said several times a week, when really you meant several times a month).


Edited 5/3/2004 1:57 pm ET ET by zurah

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