Hard times for us all - Lots of thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Hard times for us all - Lots of thinking
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 9:07am

Ok, in February I was arrested for a criminal offense (white collar). Before then everything in our relationship was going great. I was helping her move and we were going to move in together until my arrest. Since my release, we have talked about the situation and we have expressed our concerns but were willing to put everything on hold until after the trial.

I was a strong person, very active in my job and very out going and willing to help anyone that needed it or asked. I left my life time job to start a family (new chapter in my life) that I wanted to do not because she told me to do it. That made our relationship better. I am in the computer industry and am able to making by working for myself with no decline in income.

Over the last few months, we haven't spent much time together and we haven't done the family thing. I haven't been able to be there for her and her son after school and work. I started cooking and taking care of our son in the afternoons to help her come home and relax. It made her feel better when I would take care of these things for her. I have been doing that since May of last year and again all that came to a stop in February.

I have been isolated to stay at home because vehicle and now my finances have been seized or stolen. That seize was recent, the vehicle was the same night I went to jail. Well, I have been home all day and all night and don't talk with anyone throughout the day and sometimes she wouldn't call. OF course, again, went from we couldn't talk to each other enough to maybe I get to hear from her once or twice a day.

She asked for me to give her time to deal with this. She felt decieved and lied to. I thought we discussed it before she asked for time to deal with everything but that I don't know was true.

She just told me that I am off the hook. She doesn't want to be with me. She texted me last week, asking me why did I come into her life n $#*& it up again. That is her words to me. She was upset and then I tried to call and talk to her she didn't want to talk about it. Then two days later, she asks me to watch our dog. I asked her why. She stated she was going to go to the beach and take our son. I asked why. she wouldn't talk after that. She got mad because I asked why. I mean, we spent all day together on Sunday (Easter) and then she gets upset with me on Monday and then on Wednesday she asks me to watch our dog. She hung the phone up on me and wouldn't answer me call back so I left a message. The first message was not good...I was mad and I said a few choice words and I assure you that I am not proud of that but I hung the phone up and left her another voice mail that was more civil. I don't know if she listened to it after the first one. I mean, I said, "$*% you and everything you do...." and I don't remember the rest, I just remember saying that twice and then hanging the phone up. I already messed up there....I know. The next message, I asked if she didn't think she needed to discuss going to the beach without me. She text me back stating she didn't need my permission and she didn't need to discuss it with me. I am her boyfriend (was getting engage by now - I have the ring in my hand). She doesn't know that.

Well, this week, she text me saying I am off the hook. Before she text me that, I text her if she still loved me. She stated yes. To this point she and I haven't spoken. I have tried to get her to talk with me but she doesn't want to do that. I can't blame her for my action last week.

Last week (Friday), I had to hunt my family history. I have separate parents. I look like and lived with my father. Thank God. Other than not knowing anything about relationship or what to do in a relationship, that was best. And my mother, I didn't know her until I was 25. I met her first time then. She has a long list of mental problems, mainly from drugs and drinking. I knew this before then because I was involved heavily in drugs and alcohol and I often wondered why I couldn't get high enough. Then I found out. That is some of my sickness such as: eyes, immune system. But since this train has come to a complete stop without a gradual change, I have had issues with my mental state. My mind is my enemy and like I said, I was once a strong will happy go lucky person. Not now a days. I battle that internal battle and because of my lifetime job, I know the signs and the end results of some of the signs of how my mind has been going toward and whaat I have thought about with all this. So I contacted my mothers sister-in-law. I asked what problems and a long list ranging: bipolar, manic depressive, depression and other psychological issues to name a few.

With that, it explains a lot but I have even more questions but can't ask them because the person I asked about this who is my mothers sister-in-law is also a dear friend to my girlfriend....imagine that. They worked together for the last two years. They both in the medical field too working in the same office. So now that I know why I am thinking the way I am I can now tell a doctor a small portion of my history and I didn't know exactly before. I mean, to this day my family doctor still gets my fathers wife mixed up as my mother. I have to remind them that she isn't. I don't visit the doctor much...reason, I would walk in the ER and ask the resident on duty to take a look at what ever it was that was bothering me.....free doctor visit for a prescription ;-). I have that white coat syndrome....funny being in the medical field myself.

Ok, getting back to she and I. I will give her the time she needs but I don't want us to be separated and from her other texts I don't think she does either. I think she doesn't want to cause me any more pain because she can't be there. She says she doesn't want anyone else. I asked her to wait for me and today she text, i can give you my friendship for the rest of my life but i can't promise anything else.

I don't want to lose touch with them. I left behind a life I knew to start something new with them. This is something I have never done before for anyone. Not even my deceased ex-fiance. I didn't leave that life behind for her...but I did for this relationship. Why? I thought about it one day and felt as though my past life (job) was a problem for us and I didn't need it to survive. But that was a chance I guess we all take in a relationship.

What do I need to do.