Have you ever felt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Have you ever felt?
3
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 12:34pm
I don't know if this is the right board to post- I read so many posts where people are talking about boyfriends and 1-2 yr relationships. In a few weeks, it's going to be our 9 yr wedding annyversary. We've been together for 11 yr. And this has never happened before.

Have you ever felt your husband has absolutely no interest in you? I don't know what's going on, but lately, I feel like I have to beg for some attention, beg to get some love, and it is not only about sex, is the caressing, the cherishing. When I ask what's going on, he says "nothing". I know for a fact that he is not having an affair- he works at the family business, with his parents, and they absolutely love me- if he ever does anything that upsets me, they SO get on his case! And he comes home straight from work, and he is with us when he's not at work.

I know it's not the way I look either- If I may so myself, I am HOT- I am only about 5'3'-5'4, but after 3 kids, I still weight only over 110 pounds and keep all my curves- actually- I look better than before the kids- my boobs are bigger LOL. I have long dark brown hair (natural), and a very strange blue eyes

Right now I just feel so worn out- I am so tired of "begging", of being the one that always tries to make things better....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 1:39pm
You have to find a way to tell him what you need without being demanding and making him feel bad about himself.....

"I really miss spending alone time with you cuddling. I know you are really busy with the business and that you are tired. Is there a way we can work on building closeness between us, so that both our needs get met?"

Reading material to consider:

How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page

Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 2:11pm
i felt exactly the way you do when i was married.

i didn't think my husband was cheating but he also didn't have much of an interest in me as a "wife"...

i begged for counseling, for his attention - nothing helped.

eventually, after years of him not "getting it" and not paying attention to our marriage and to me, i almost had an affair. i came very close. i was doing anything i could to get my husband's attention - in bed, out of bed, i got very little from him.

sweetie, sounds like he's taking you for granted a bit.

my only advice would be to talk to him nicely and let him know you love him and want him not only as the "guy who sleeps there" but as your companion, your man, your friend, and your lover. tell him you need that a bit more and you need to give him love.

if he doesn't get it after a while, then insist on counseling.

if he doesn't get it after that, file for divorce. then he'll get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 2:39pm
Is it possible that he is depressed and that this is ablout more than the relationship?