having a horrible marriage...please HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
having a horrible marriage...please HELP
5
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 2:51pm
I am having some very serious problems...My husband and i got married in 2002 it seemed like everything was going great until the honeymoon thennext day. the whole week he did nothing but sleep...ON OUR HONEYMOON!!! i figured maybe he was just depressed from something else but then he started being distant and emotionally unattached. after our year anniversary things really got worse then at his grandmothers funeral we broke up. i moved out and tried to start my life anew but he just wouldnt stop calling me saying he made a mistake and wants to start things over so after about 2 months of being apart i moved back in. he said he would change and everything was fine until 3 months into it he started doing the same nasty stuff calling me names, leaving right in between a fight, blaming everything on me and picking about every little thing...if i would breathe wrong he would have a problem with it. so like i said after about 3 months i started noticing the same type of stuff was happening and he was saying the same stuff that he did right before he kicked me out. then came thanksgiving (the 8 month mark) and he sprung it on me again that he wasnt sure if he wanted to continiue this marriage and he has to be selfish about this cause its his life. so 2 weeks before christmas i started my life over AGAIN well the day after i left he started calling me and instant messaging me all the time about how he made a mistake AGAIN and really really really wants to work this out once and for all, it was all his fault and he will change his ways. so after about 2 months again i moved back in and everything was great i mean not perfact but alot better than it has ever been. then his 30th b-day came i made arrangements for all of his friends to go out to diner and then hang at a local bar. he was being his fake arrogant self after he had a couple drinks. he ignored me and we got into a fight at the bar so he told me "if you not having a good time then you could just leave". i was shocked the whole bar turned to see what i was going to do so i left. it was now 2:30 in the morning and i was walking on a busy street well a man tired to pull me into his car and i screamed and ran to my car that was 2 blocks away. i called him after the incodent to tell him how horrible he was cause i couldve been killed. well mr drunk man decided that it was happening right at that moment and failed to remain on the phone so i could finish my sentence and say i was safely home...he dropped the phone ran outside and got into an argument with someone asking where the man took me. the man ran him over and broke his feamer, ran over his ankle, broke his collar bone and many many many other things that were broken or messed up and stitched. he was in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks it was horrible i thought i was going to loose him...the hospital just kept telling me how i almost lost him forever. i since have gotten the burden of suppoting a household that i cant afford to support. he will not be back to work for at least another year and i now have to get a second job. so anyway when he came home guess who takes the blame for that he says that i was lying about the whole incident in question and he doesnt know if he can stay with me. I really need someones help cause i just dont understand how i became the bad guy cause he was a stupid drunk. Should i even bother trying to stay in the relationship or is it just enevitable that he will tell me to leave again. WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 4:05pm
Girl you need to lose that man. He has not treated you properly from the start. He can't accept the roll as a loving husband. He can't accept reponsibility for his own behavior. He does not treat you with the respect that you deserve. you can't stay in that situation without losing you feeling of self worth and dignity.

Some things can be worked out but I think this one is just too far broken.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:33am
if you stay with him a minute longer i'm going to be really disappointed.

in fact, file for divorce tomorrow and don't wait another day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:38pm
Has he seen a Doctor to assess his mental state? It sounds like he would benefit from counseling. I think you made a mistake by going back to him without addressing the issues in the first place. You guys never got to the root of the problem so it was bound to come up again. I would highly encourage Marriage Counseling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 3:01pm
i have suggested marriage counseling but he says he knows whats wrong he just chooses not to put effort in to fix it...ya know what im actually embaressed writing this, i think i will take the advice of the second post!!!

Thanks Much

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 10:30am
Leave him - he sounds like a nightmare and people don't tend to change unless they make an extraordinary effort to do so. It'll just be more of the same - why stay in a horrible marriage?

Good luck!

Coolas