Having to move out

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Having to move out
2
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:34pm
Hi, I've never done this before, but I could definitely use some advice from people outside of the situation. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and we've been together since February. I'm 14 years younger than him, so therefore he has some past issues (an ex-wife and three year old child). We moved into together after three months and have been very happy. But, recently, the reality of the situation has been sinking in with him and he's realizing that he never dealt with many issues from his divorce (dealing with missing his child, how to handle introducing him to me, guilt, etc.) before we got involved in a serious relationship (let alone moved in together!). In order to save the relationship, he thinks the best thing to do is to continue dating, but not live together so he can have more time to get his situation figured out. I'm just so confused on this because I'm wanting to ask him "So, how much time are we going to be spending together?" and "Are we ever going to spend the night together anymore?" and "Will we talk every day?".......when this ISNT what he needs. He needs space to figure out how to handle his issues.....but it's so hard. I don't know what to do without him. He wants to take things one day at a time and not plan anything until he can figure everything out. We were such planner before, so naturally I want to know everything in advance and I can't. I'm not sure what to do....does anyone have any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:41pm

look - it sounds like he is being honest with you. he needs time and he needs space. and he definately NEEDS to deal with his divorce and child. i don't know how old he is, and how long ago he got divorced.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:45pm
He is being very honest with me, which I really appreciate. He says that he thinks he can deal with all of it if he spends time by himself and figures it out (potentially going to see someone). He is 36 and got divorced last May (as in 2003)...and it became final in September. I just don't know how to downgrade the relationship to a different level, when it was so intense for a while.