Having second thoughts about fiance
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Having second thoughts about fiance
| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 12:31pm |
Sorry this will be long. Background info- My Fiancé and I have known each other for 10 years. We both are members of a volunteer organization and DF is now on the executive board. We have been dating for 3 ½ years and got engaged 6 months ago. The wedding is in a year. So here’s the problem. Another member of our organization (John*) has a history of sexually harassing the female members, including touching them inappropriately. So far, over the past 4 years he has had 4 women file incident reports about this behavior. One of this incidences included sexual assault. All of the women except the last one have left the organization. The last one was from 4 weeks ago. The only “punishment” John has received from this is a copy of the incident report placed in his file. For the first 2 weeks after this latest incident nothing had been done, until I got angry with DF. John’s actions put the organization and the board personally (inc DF) in jeopardy. I feel that the females are essentially being ‘pimped out’ because John is allowed to act this way with no repercussions because he is highly certified, volunteers many, many hours, and is an officer. Finally DF decided to bring this situation to the disciplinary committee and ban him from the building until a decision is made. I thought that was a very good start. It lasted for 1 DAY. Another officer brought up the point that John is the only one who has been doing the maintaince on the vehicles and should be allowed in the building for “official business’. DF agreed to this. He told me “Well it will only be for 2 weeks until the charges are heard”. I am SOOO angry and disappointed in him right now. I thought I knew him and that our values we similar. I now realize that I cannot trust him with my safety or our future children’s safety. Someone with special skills who is willing to work is more important than a woman. I have lost all respect for him. How can I marry someone like that? I don’t know what to do. Last month I had no doubts. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Now I don’t know anymore. Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated. Sorry this was so long. Thanks

Welcome to the board jlr4025,
I can understand you being worried and upset about this. Have you talked to your fiance about this and how it made you feel? It seems like your df is getting pressure from other members on the board to allow this person to continue doing some work. Could it be that your df was out voted by the other board members?
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Welcome to the board jlr4025,
WOW.
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Isn't there an attorney on your Board who should be advising the Board about what to do, like suspending him until further investigation?
How are his values otherwise? Do you feel this really represents how he will treat you and his future children?