Is he afraid to commit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Is he afraid to commit
4
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 5:18pm
My boyfriend shows signs of being afraid to commit ... ie: says we will do things together and it never happens ... still goes into the chat room that caused us big trouble in the past .... and always seems to have excuses as to why he can't stay a full night .... we have had trust issues in the past ... and have been off and on for a year now ... more so on the past 5 or 6 months ... he calls every day .... says that he loves me .... adores my children .... but I can't seem to reach through to him ... I know that he has been cheated on twice .... so I try to be understanding ... but I feel that I deserve more than he's giving .... any suggestions? ... Do you think that he is afraid? .... I'm at a loss .... I'm afraid that if I push the issue I will lose him ... and I don't want this ... but I also feel that he needs to not make promises that he doesn't intend to keep ....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 5:44pm
Regardless of the reason, he isn't treating you well. What do you mean you had trust issues? Did either of you cheat? Are either of you jealous?

When you have children, you don't have time for game playing because they don't have the reasoning or coping skills that adults do when it comes to relationships.

You need no man at all or a man that treats you right that you introduce your children to long after you have developed love and trust. A man who lies and visits chat rooms, doesn't fall into that category. Do you think you deserve this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 9:38am
The trust issues I had mentioned are pretty deep .... about a year ago ... he had told me that he was going to his aunts in Ohio for a weekend ... come to find out he was going to meet another gal ... we weren't as serious back then as we have been as of lately ... (or so I've thought we've been more serious by his words) .... but it didn't change the fact that he lied ... I can't forget that hurt ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 5:49pm
Oh, man! OUCH! The issues sound really deep...and he sounds like he's just loosely hanging on. Do you know where he is going when he won't stay the whole night? I wouldn't be able to put up with the guessing. But, if you want to know how he feels, pull back yourself. Don't be available to him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I know this is a game tactic, but sometimes that is what is deserved. All in all, though, the whole thing doesn't sound like true love and healthiness.

Pam
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 5:54pm
And you're still with him...why exactly???? Do you not value honesty?

Sheri