is he boring or am I too needy??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
is he boring or am I too needy??
12
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 5:40pm
Okay so I started to date this guy and in the beginning i was completely intriuged by his masculinity and mysterious quiet side. He is absolutely everything i asked for... he is 110% understanding in fact i when i jokingly told him that he cannot ever be my #1 because its reserved for my bestfriend/cousin he said that its totally cool because he understands that bond that we share and he wouldnt want to intrude, yea sounds great but i want him to fight for me =/ also he is incrediably sweet and intensely adorable i just feel like we lack some sort of spark i want him to be more outgoing and spontaneous ... i cant tell if he is even into me because he is so calm when were together, but i took him to a party and he just gazed into my eyes like i was the only girl in the room but even when were alone the conversation is missing something ...... am i crazy? am i being too much of an analyitical virgo or could it even be a fright of getting into a relationship... HELP!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 5:52pm

You may or may not be too needy, but I think you are definitely unrealistic. You start dating an intriguingly strong and silent guy, and now you want him to be spontaneous and outgoing. You were fascinated by his mysteriously quiet nature, but now you want sparkling conversation. You tell him that he cannot ever be your #1, and are unhappy because he doesn't "fight" for you. What kind of "fighting" do you want him to do?

If the relationship isn't working for you, and it doesn't sound like it is, then the mature, compassionate thing would be to let him go to find a woman who will find his quiet, sweet, adorable nature to be exactly what she wants. Then you can find a man who is a little more demonstrative and outgoing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 6:08pm
but he seems too good to let go, I kinda want to work harder but i was never one to belive in changing for a guy -- do you think changing is worth it because im certainly not ready to let go of him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 6:20pm
What about the fact that you want HIM to change for YOU?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 6:27pm

I think you found an awesome guy who cares for you and respects you, and for some reason you want to ruin that.

If you don't want to be with him because you don't connect with him enough to have a good conversation then that's one thing, but if you were to get rid of him I'm pretty sure he could make a lot of girls happy who want a guy who is kind and respectful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 6:47pm

Welcome to the board virgotistical,


My advice would echo geoteo's advice, so I'm writing to say that but also, your last post:


::but he seems too good to let go, I kinda want to work harder but i was never one to belive in changing for a guy -- do you think changing is worth it because im certainly not ready to let go of him...


Ah, never believe in changing for a guy, BUT you want him to change for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 6:52pm
you know its that EXACT thing im afriad of ... were simply not compatible -- im very into zodiacs and he is a leo and were not meant to get along however i want more then anything for it to work because i do believe our opposite natures can bring us to a balanced level -- or am i being over ambitious?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 7:00pm
Why are you trying to force something that isn't there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 7:02pm
cause i think he just might be what i need rather then want
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 8:13am
When you meet the man who is right for you, he will be both what you want and what you need. You are already dissatisfied with your relationship, and with the man who is the other half of it. How will trying to manipulate him into being more forthcoming or attempting to discipline yourself into being more accepting of the things you don't like about him lead to increased happiness down the road? It's totally illogical.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 8:53am

OMG

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