He can't get over my past

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
He can't get over my past
5
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 1:10pm
Hello, I am looking for some help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 4:12pm

You are who you are BECAUSE of your past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 5:36pm

To be honest, I think you're feeling TOO MUCH about this....as well as judging yourself too harshly for your past.


First up, regrets are a waste of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 11:58pm
He is choosing to give you a hard time about this and be jealous. His feelings are his own and you are not responsible. Let him know nicely that he doesn't have to
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 4:19pm

Thank you all so much!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 5:37pm

First of all, you slept with these guys before you even knew him, and 4 years apart. Although I can see why it would make him a bit uneasy, as he knows these individuals, there's no reason at all for him to punish you with this. You didn't do it to upset him. You are here now, monogomous now, and when this happened you had no idea he existed at all.


The first step in working this out is for you to give up any guilt or bad feelings he is imposing on you. When you feel okay about yourself, this dance will not continue. If he feels that you are responding with guilt, there is an opening for it to go on.


Secondly, let him know that the past is the past and cannot be wiped out. All that can change is how he chooses to view it now. Ask him why he is choosing to view it this way? Is he looking for something to be upset about? Is he trying to sabotage a good relationship?


ultimately, what he does with this information is up to him. But you cannot let him use it to punish you. If you do, that is destructive for both of you. Unless he can work it out, he may not be the person you want to be with for the long haul as well.


Best wishes,