He can't let go of the past

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
He can't let go of the past
13
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 9:08pm

My current boyfriend met me while I was still in another relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 5:37am

Ravegods, he does this because you allow him to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 9:41am

Hi true blue, thank you so much for your reponse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 12:32pm

'he insists on having a relationship with me'


What does this mean? Do you want a relationship with him?


'his intense desire to be with me'


I think it is more of an intense desire to control you, don't you? Why stay with someone who doesn't trust or respect you?


'More than anything, it is making me severely depressed.'


Then why stay? Take responsibility for your own happiness and get out. You don't have to date

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 1:00pm

Hi Gina...


What I mean by he insists on having a relationship with me, is that he always insisted that I was the one for him, that he was so crazy about me, all he wanted was me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 1:50pm

Welcome to the board ravegods,


You haven't mentioned whether or not, you have talked to him about how what he says makes you feel. You said you reassure him, but you didn't say if you told him how he makes you feel. If not, I think it is imporant that you do so.


Besides this one aspect, are you happy in the relationship?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 3:07pm

Hello Ctara...


Yes, I have told him how it makes me feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 3:17pm

I think it is very good that you have made an emergency appt with your counselor.


You could try the next time he says something that makes you feel bad regarding this asking him if he remembers you telling him how it makes you feel. Then if he keeps going tell him that you won't let him make you feel bad and leave the room.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 3:34pm

'thinks it's pretty normal to be insecure and jealous'


Then it seems tht he needs individual counseling before he can be a good boyfriend and husband.


Talk to your counselor about the likelihood of his behavior escalating- wanting to control who you talk to, what friends you are allowed to see, what men you are allowed to look at, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 3:38pm

Welcome to the board ravegods,


Wow. If he's bringing it up even in passive-aggressive form, it really bothers him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 4:39pm

Ravegods, I have

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