He Cheated and now Wants Me B ack
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| Thu, 07-29-2004 - 7:49pm |
To put it short, everyone says once a cheater, always a cheater. I have broken up with this a**hole and have gotten my own place. the problem is, though i am trying to get over this, it makes no sense to me, and i am still very hurt and angry. he wants me to give him another chance. he says he doesnt know why he could hurt me like this nor why he started to cheat on me, (though we did have a few probs...but cheating was not the answer!).
He is pleading with me, begging me, crying to me asking for forgiveness and another chance to prove his love and faithfulness to me. To me, right now I cannot trust him nor do I want to even give him a chance anymore.
He cheated on me over and over with this slut while i was living with him. He told her lies so she never came over, he hid her phone number in his cell phone so i would never question whose number he kept calling. he went through so much measures to hid this from me, all the while, when it all came out in the open, i sincerely see how distraught he is, he's calling me constantly, telling me he loves me, is crying to me, asking me for a chance. our relationship before was incredible, we both loved each other dearly, we had the perfect dream to get married, buy a house, start a family...everything. we were each other's soul mate and we were the only other person in each our lives who really understood each other....we had a strong bond, stronger than life connection (so i thought...)
that is why this is so hard for me...i am mad, angry and hurt that he could mess up this much, but i feel like this pure relationship has now been tainted and we can never make it up again. he wants to rebuild and regain the special connection and deepness we have, but to me, i cant even think of opening myself to being hurt again...but part of me misses him...
what do i do? how do i go about this? everyone tells me he is an a**hole, to leave him and never talk to him again. he did a horrible thing, he cheated on me and slept with another girl when i was living with him and he went through so much to lie and cover it up. his response for those actions were, he lost himself and does'nt know why or how he could have done this, and taken things this far to hurt me.
every second he is professing his love for me, and i dont doubt it, i know in my heart at one point, he loved me very much. i knew he loved me more than anything in the world...and i guess something changed so it lead him to cheat, and now he tells me he's always loved me and he made a mistake, and that couples can get through this.....my dilema is, i dont know how i can get through this.
i do not tolerate cheating, and i dont ever want to start. i feel like i cant have this relationship or rebuild it anymore because it has now been tainted with dishonesty and cheating, sleeping with someone else! what do i do? how do i feel, am i just pushing the man that i use to love away, i dont know what i'm doing....
how do couples get through this? is it possible? he has offered to go to counseling, to do anything to make this work.....please help with your insights!

If he's serious, then he needs to make an appt with a counselor and figure himself out. You can join him later if you decide to. Two months is a long time to lie and cheat. It's a continual choice to cheat every time he met up with her.
Post on the Betrayed Spouse Support board, they have been where you are.
Also check out www.marriagebuilders.com
Everything you feel is normal.
Edited 7/29/2004 7:57 pm ET ET by itwinflame
Carrie
First off, hugs to you for being so darn strong through all of this....
You are absolutley correct for not toleratinf cheating, thing is, your relationship might have been "incredible" to you before, but if he felt the same, he wouldnt have given in to his temptaions.
What really sucks is that he didnt even come clean on his own, it took proding , pulling and begging for the truth before he finally gave it to you.
Whatver you ultimatley decide to do, Im sure you will have tons of support from not only us here, but your family and friends.Remeber, they just want whats best with you. If you decide to let him back in your life, you need to have completly forgivin' him. Note I didnt say forget, I said forgive. Taking him back means not holding what he did to you against him.
Keep your hed up and stay in touch with us, we are here for you.