HE CHEATED.... can i get over this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
HE CHEATED.... can i get over this??
3
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:20pm
Ok so here is the story. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. And I love him with all of my heart. I have been in relationships before, but nothing like this one. We are each others best friend, we get along amazing, he is everything I have ever wanted in a man. Expect for one thing... he cheated. One night about a month ago we went out with some friends, and he drank waaayy too much. He ended up kissing one of my friends. It was a drunken kiss that he says was a mistake. (He never was ever attracted to her and he didnt even like her as a person.) At first I was heart broken since I felt that this is the man that I wanted to marry in the future. We were so perfect together. I truley believe in my heart that what happened was a drunken mistake even though alcohol is never an excuse to cheat and he knows that. I dont think he intentionally meant to hurt me at all. He was really beat up over this, he was disgusted with himself. There are a lot of reasons why I believe that he didnt mean to hurt me. He is truley sorry. I love this man so much, and I decided to work things out with him... together. It has made us stronger in some ways because he has now opened up a little more and we have realized we have stronger feelings for each other than we thought we did before. But I cant trust him. I worry all the time that he is going to slip and mess up again. And I dont know what I would do if that happened. I know that sometimes people cheat, and they really are sorry for what they did, and they really do feel bad, and would never do it again. And I believe thats him. BUt at the same time Im scared to death that the person i love the most will hurt me the worst. He is trying with all of his power to prove to me that he is trustworthy. And Im trying to learn to trust him, but its so hard. So I guess my question is... any advice or tips with starting over with the trust issue? Any way to forgive him and be able to move on with our lives together? Do you think Im wrong for trying to work things out with him? I just want to be able to grow and let this go. Forgive but not forget. Any advice would really help. THanks a lot for taking the time to read this..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:05am
Do you know anything about his history? How old is he?

Dandelion

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 5:07am
More information is needed. Did he tell you himself that he cheated? or did you find out on your own?

Does he drink frequently or get drunk frequently? I would be just as worried about the drinking as I would the cheating.

If the drinking was a one-time-only I think I could overlook this. But there must be more things about his character that can tell you what to think. Obviously your inner voice has sounded an alarm and you must always listen to that.

As the other person just wrote - what is his history - how old? Ever done this before?

Only time will tell. Perhaps you can seek the support of others who have been through this before - there are boards on here for that.

Keep us posted. And good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 1:52pm
Hi guys.. he is 23. Almost 24, he does like to drink.. he goes out with his friends a lot and goes dancing and I do know he drinks. He is usually the Designanted Driver so he never gets drunk. The night he cheated on me... he drank a lot because he felt safe knowing I was there and I would be driving. He said that he hadnt been that drunk since he was in college. About his past.. he was cheated on by his last two girlfriends. One he was engaged too. They both really hurt him and thats why this hurt me so much because I never believed that he would cheat on me. Thats also why I believe that he is truley sorry for what he did and that he never meant to cheat on me. I have also been cheated on before, by my ex boyfriend. So this is just a crappy situation all around. Thanks for listening.