he cheated....need advice badly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
he cheated....need advice badly
4
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 4:23pm

so im 6 months pregnant and only 20 years old. at first everything was great with my bf, he was really excited about the baby & supportive, but then about a month passed and he wasnt treating me right. i noticed a big change in him...he wasnt supportive and loving like i needed him to be. on top of that he works/lives 2 hours away so during the week i never get to see him, i only get to see him on the weekends.


well last week we got in a huge fight. i was being irrational & hormonal (im pregnant) and he wasnt being supportive. i snapped & started yelling at him. thats when he told me that i was crazy & he wishes his ex girlfriend was the one who got pregnant instead of me. (mind you, the last gf he had was when he was 18 years old & he is now 23). obviously i was upset by the fact that he said that so i told him that i needed some time away, like a week or 2, cause i needed to re-evaluate some things in the relationship cuz i was hurt. we agreed to not do anything with others & i turned off my phone for like a week & spent time with my friends/family. that whole week he had been calling my mom & friends trying to get me to call him but i stuck my ground. when the week was over i called him & everything seemed to be ok. he said that being away from me made him realize how much he truly loves me & wants to treat me right... bla bla bla. so this past weekend i went out w/him & it was amazing! he treated me like a queen & i was so happy that the old him was back. i felt loved again for the 1st time in months. i was so happy... but then the next day i guess the guilt kicked in & he confessed he kissed some random girl at a bar while we were on our break. it killed me so much to hear this...especially cause all hes ever done is sit there & say how much he hates cheaters & how horrible it is that someone could do that! (mainly because some of his friends have done it & he doesnt like it). and on top of all that... my entire pregnancy he has questioned me so much on whether or not i have cheated on him in the past cause if i have he doesnt wanna be with me. (i never have & never would) but then he goes & cheats on his 6 month pregnant girlfriend!? what irks me even more is the fact that the reason why we even went on this week break is because of the hurt hes caused me.


now normally i wouldnt ever consider getting back with someone after they have betrayed me like this.... but there is a catch. He says that he realizes after he kissed her how much he has gotten away from God & how much he loves me & that he has lost himself these past couple months. He says he was scared about being a dad & he breaks down & crys everytime I talk to him & i know his apology sincere & that he loves me... but I just dont know if thats enough. He says that the past couple months he hasnt known if he still loved me anymore & thats why he has been acting so horrible towards me through this pregnancy & unfortunatley it led to him kissing another girl to wake him up & realize--- 'hey! im gonna be a daddy! and what the hell have i been doing to the girl i love?' So basically...I told him I need ALOT of time & I cant be with him till after the baby is born. He says he is willing to wait as long as it takes for me to get over this & he knows he mest up bad. My question is..... Is it even worth it anymore? I know hes sincere but it hurts SO much to think that he could this to me. And the trust is totally broken. What would you do if you were in my situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 5:04pm

Welcome to the board ashley_808,


Wow I am sorry that this happened to you. I would tend to say that there isn't much hope for the relationship since you were having so many problems before he kissed his other girl. However, I can understand your desire to want to work things out. I think one of the main things is going to your ability or inability to forgive him for cheating. If you aren't able to forgive him, you will never be able to trust him and the relationship won't work. Also you should get back together because you love him and really want to be with him.


Best of luck to you in your decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 6:38pm

Welcome to the board ashley_808,


Is he willing to go to counseling with you? If so go. I wouldn't recommend staying away from him until the baby is born if you want to work things out.





Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 7:38pm

First of all, he didn't really cheat, he just kissed someone during a hard time at a bar. He wasn't dating her, he didn't have feelings for her and beyond that he told you. He was clearly struggling with the relationship and also with being a dad. It's a huge step for everybody and it sounds as though he has come through realizing that he loves you a lot.


Let it go, forgive the small indiscretion. You are having a child together, he realizes he loves you. Give him a chance and give the relationship a chance, if not only for your sake, also for the sake of your child. You need support and love now and he is the father of your baby. So, if I were you, I'd let this go, and move forward. We can always choose to focus on what is right or what is wrong. Why not focus on the positive things here and not let one slip up ruin everything.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 8:11pm
Kissing someone else IS cheating in my opinion, but for some strange reason many people dont see it that way anymore.