Is he cheating?
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| Tue, 10-12-2004 - 1:28am |
This is my problem and is driving me crazy .Help!!!!
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, a very serious relationship we been engaged since july , the thing is that he started working on a store that his brother and girlfriend have and in the store the family of his brother girlfriend are always around, including a cousin who happens to be a very flirty girl who is always in mini mini skirts and tops etc... that girl is 18 years old and my boyfriend one time told me that the girl was kinda trashy and lookind desperatly for a man .
Since my boyfriend has been working there ( 8 hours sometimes more), our relationship has changed completly , we are fighting more than usual , he always is too tired to visit me and he even has told me that he cant continue like this , either we stop fighting or its over.He even told me that he didnt felt love for me when we are fighting or arguing ,( Whatttt?) , thats stupid because you love someone unconditionally not only on the good times.
I've been a couple of times to the store but she is never around. I suspect that somenthing is happening between them and I feel inpotent because if I say somenthing (either to the girlfriend of my brother in law , or the cousin,) I am afraid they will take it against me or maybe dont want me around anymore since that is there store.but at the same time , I gotta do somenthing.
I notice also that my boyfriend is extremely friendly with the family of my brother in laws girlfriend , not the same way at all with my family.
I am scared that if I leave him he is going to start a relationship with her or somenthing or that I might loose him forever. But in the other hand he is treating me lately so bad that I 've been in a huge depression ( lost 15 pounds already).
He says he loves me but that he cant continue with the arguing , if I ask somenthing about the girl he gets all mad and either hangs up or leaves my home. Sometimes he even starts a fight withouth any reason. I have to admit I am jealous person but this time is different because I cant do anything about it .
btw Im 24 and he is 26.
any suggestions?

Is there something that makes you think a man treats you badly is better than not having one in your life at all? When you have these fights and he leaves, where does he go?
It sounds as if you both need a beak from one another....and then see where you stand. If you think marriage will make these problems go away, you are so wrong.
Best of luck to you,
break it off. tell him you need some air and that the fighting is effecting your health. let him know you love him and want desperately to work things out, but a little space will do you both some good. tell him its a one month trial while you regain your sanity and health and rediscover who you are, what you want and how your values fit in with his. ask him to do the same.
if he starts up a relationship with this girl... well then there's your answer. why would you want to stay with someone you are constantly worried about? why would you marry someone who, given the chance, ran to an 18 year old tramp the minute you pulled off the straps? are those your values? would you do the same? probably not, so if that is the unfortunate case then you are better off finding someone who would treat you the way you treat him.
and in that "month trial"... dont spy on him, dont call or come around. Stop by once a week or something. but if you really want your answer, well you wont get it by being on
Carrie
I just found out that all the times he says hes angry with me and leaves my home or either hangs up , he is been going out with his brother almost everynight, I think I dont need more proof that he is with that girl.
I been in what I called a "zoombie mode" , I dont want to even get up of bed , I cant imagine why after all he said about me arguing etc , I was right.
I hope someday I can find happiness.
Hi there. Sorry you
I saw your post and I just had to reply. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.
I know how you feel. I once had a boyfriend for 4 years and I thought we were very much in love until one day he started a new job and started acting different toward me. He did the same thing your fiance is doing. Argue with me for dumb things, wouldn't want to visit and when i would call his cell phone he wouldn't answer. I begin to wonder and i did my research and found out that he was cheating. I felt helpless and inpotent. I did so many crazy things that in a way i think i pushed away even more. He was seeing one of his co-workers (who he is now married too)and everyone knew but me. That would just drive me insane. I also lost 15 lbs had terrible stomach problems and all I wanted to do was cry. Not having control would just drive would drive me crazy.
My advice to you-if I may- is to just give him some space. Acting jealous or questioning him all the time is only going to drive him away more. Maybe he's confused now and need some time to think things through, maybe he's an A**hole (in which case you don't need)in any case, just let him be for now. Tell him YOU need some space. I know that staying away from him is going to be hard but the more you try to save this relationship the more you will push him a way. In situations like this the best thing to do is to take some time apart. Let him realize what he has and if he's going to be shallow and go for this hootchie girl, than honey you don't need him. RIGHT NOW, YOU are more important. YOUR health comes first. Please, go out with your friends, do stuff outside the house, pick up a new hobbie but don't just stay home crying about this. Things WILL get better, whether he stays or goes life will go on and even though it seems like it's the end of the world for you it really isn't. I thought i would never be happy again but I happy now. I have issues with my relationship now but i'm not taking to the heart like i did with my ex.No body is worth your tears this much( only your family)
I don't want to say anymore because i don't want to bore you . Please keep us updated.
huggs))
Lucy