Is he cheating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Is he cheating
2
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:11pm
I don’t even know where to begin but me and my boyfriend of three years just recently got back together after four months of being broken up. While we were separated he went off and dated a co-worker of his. This mind you, was a girl of whom he had gone to happy hours with and even set her up on a double date with us. When they first started dating he would tell me he chose her over me and wanted me out of his life. I was so upset, but when I finally stopped calling him and started dating someone else he came running back to me. What it came down to was me wanting to be with him. So I got back with him after two months with another guy.

We are both very jealous people so as you can imagine this has been hard on us both to get over the past. I especially have hard time with him working with her still. He has such anger management problems that when we argue over her, he has told me she was so much cooler than I am. He apologizes later on and says he just gets angry and says things he does not mean. When he does get angry at me he says very hurtful things and I can not get them out of my head. So as a result, I often bring up things he has said to me, like “she is so much cooler.”

He promised me if we got back together that so many things would happen on his part. One being couples counseling. Now he will; not go. He keeps his phone on silent, often takes his phone with him to shower. Yet he checks my phone when he wants to and even has ran out the door within before so I was not around when he checked it. He gets angry when I question him, I know I might do it a little too much but he still works with her. I ask him to lunch and he says he does not have time to go a then I will call his cell phone a he is at lunch with “buddies.” He also tells me when the weekend comes that one night he is hanging with his friends. This week he kept asking me why I was not going out of town on a trip that I had planned but later canceled. He is so mean when he goes out with his friends. I have been out with them before and the guys, single guys, make it known they are out to get laid that night. They go bar hoping and he is very admit about “their time.” I just don't understand why I can not be included if all the guys are looking for girls.

He recently went to another town about 15 miles away for a weekend night with his buddy. He knew I was so upset about it and I would call about thirty times before he would answer his phone. Even not answering at 3 am. He said he did not want to fight in front of his buddies and that I was overeating. I admit I hate him going out with his friends now because he lied to me so much for four months. He said the only reason he use to lie to me is because we were not together but now that we are he is not lying.

This is all I think about. I think every day he is wit her at lunch. Or if he goes out wit is friends he is cheating on me. I can not help it considering he lied to me day-after-day while we were not together. He uses to lie about stupid stuff. He would tell me he was at home watching TV when he was with her. I mean he would lie to me daily. So I just think he has a lot to prove to me. He expects me to just jump into this and trust him. I don’t know. I think he might still be sneaking around. Or am I crazy. He acts like I am just being crazy. He said she hates him after he just dumped her for me. But who knows. I did read a text message from her to him that said “you do not have to ignore me anymore I won’t yell at you.” But then again he lied to me that they talked until I found that. Confused!!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: qt_pie_1
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:36pm
Yikes, that is definitely NOT a healthy r'ship! I would insist on couples counseling or you're done. His behavior is NOT reasonable or healthy, and yours is not either (calling 30 times???). At a *minimum*, you should seek individual counseling.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: qt_pie_1
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 4:05am
and you need this cr*p in your life... why???? i agree with sheri. but i think you EACH need INDIVIDUAL therapy before there can even BE a 'relationship'.