Is he cheating?
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Is he cheating?
| Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:53pm |
I need some advice from people that don't know me or my boyfriend personally!
I've been dating Brandon for almost a year this February and just recently he has started talking to his ex girlfriend/friend (they dated on and off for almost 6 years or so). He keeps telling me that they never worked out as boyfriend and girlfriend and that he loves me to much to cheat on me, especially with someone he never worked with. But first of all he lied to me when the first started talking about them talking, and now he continues to lie to me about them talking (maybe because I get a little jealous when he chooses to talk to an ex or maybe something else...I DON'T KNOW) Honestly, tell me the truth, is there something wrong with feeling a little jealous when your boyfriend decides he's gonna talk to an exgirlfriend after months of not talking? So basically what scares me is that there are times when he won't pick up the fone when she calls, and when he gets text messages from her he acts like they don't normally talk, she just tries to talk to him but he ignores her. Then the other day I actually got the chance to talk to her and she told me he told her that we weren't seeing eachother anymore...but that they weren't together or anything...and then she told me that he always talked about me so that shoulda been a sign that we were still together (i'm also the voice on his voicemail) okay so I tell her not to say anything so I can figure out a way to talk to him about it...OF COURSE! she calls him that second and tells him what's going on. (I don't know if that meant she was giving him time to figure out what to say to me, or if she really just didn't wanna get a friend in trouble and have to hear about it later after I blew my lid) then I saw texts from her that said "I saved your ass...if we all hang out she won't think I'm a threat..." but then she said things like "she's really sweet, don't screw her over, Brandon" Geez....after writing all this and looking it over, I'm really niave! aren't I? I mean he tells me he loves me and acts like he loves me and we spend A LOT of time together but could he still wanna have another fling with someone else and not wanna hurt me in the process? are guys that decieving? I dunno....someone PLEASE help me, tell me what an idiot I am! lol
I've been dating Brandon for almost a year this February and just recently he has started talking to his ex girlfriend/friend (they dated on and off for almost 6 years or so). He keeps telling me that they never worked out as boyfriend and girlfriend and that he loves me to much to cheat on me, especially with someone he never worked with. But first of all he lied to me when the first started talking about them talking, and now he continues to lie to me about them talking (maybe because I get a little jealous when he chooses to talk to an ex or maybe something else...I DON'T KNOW) Honestly, tell me the truth, is there something wrong with feeling a little jealous when your boyfriend decides he's gonna talk to an exgirlfriend after months of not talking? So basically what scares me is that there are times when he won't pick up the fone when she calls, and when he gets text messages from her he acts like they don't normally talk, she just tries to talk to him but he ignores her. Then the other day I actually got the chance to talk to her and she told me he told her that we weren't seeing eachother anymore...but that they weren't together or anything...and then she told me that he always talked about me so that shoulda been a sign that we were still together (i'm also the voice on his voicemail) okay so I tell her not to say anything so I can figure out a way to talk to him about it...OF COURSE! she calls him that second and tells him what's going on. (I don't know if that meant she was giving him time to figure out what to say to me, or if she really just didn't wanna get a friend in trouble and have to hear about it later after I blew my lid) then I saw texts from her that said "I saved your ass...if we all hang out she won't think I'm a threat..." but then she said things like "she's really sweet, don't screw her over, Brandon" Geez....after writing all this and looking it over, I'm really niave! aren't I? I mean he tells me he loves me and acts like he loves me and we spend A LOT of time together but could he still wanna have another fling with someone else and not wanna hurt me in the process? are guys that decieving? I dunno....someone PLEASE help me, tell me what an idiot I am! lol

Tell him you really love him and that if you are to stay together he needs to tell you now.
Or the other (devius) aproach is to tell him you *know* just say she let it slip or that you know from someone esle and act upset and then that way he'll either confirm or be shocked and ask what the hell your talking about.
Either way goodluck and don;t let him walk all over you!!
Please please please listen to your gut on this one! I was in a similar situation a few years back. I it was weird that my boyfriend started 'hanging out' (always in a 'group') with this other girl. It turned out that he did cheat on me. I was so naive and didn't find out for sure until a year later but he did it and I felt so stupid. Please keep your eyes open. There should be a mutual respect in a relationship; the fact that he talks about you openly w/ his ex (as in the 'don't let her find out text mssg.') is a dangerous sign.
There's a saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". Why don't you suggest to your boyfriend that you all hang out together in a group, if he feels it is necessary to keep talking w/ her. He should respect your feelings in this manner. I'm sure he wouldn't want you talking about him to your ex... or hanging out w/ him, calling him a lot, txt. messaging him etc. Calmly tell him that this is hurting you; don't be jealous or bitchy, it'll only make him want to leave.
Good Luck!!!!!!
No one can predict if he is cheating or not. But what he is doing definately is allowing a third person to have access to intimate facts about you and him. He is airing your love life with someone that he used to be intimate with before.
I would suggest that if you really love this guy that you should put your foot down.
Relationships get bad when one or both partners do not know what the limits of toleration of the other partner are. If you allow him to do this... he will always do it. If you stop him now... you may lose him. On the other hand you may show him what you can and cannot take. And he will know in the future that this is something he can not do to you.
It is important to have boundaries in every relationship. Because what happens more often than not is that when people cross those boundaries you later can not forgive them.
And when you can't forgive them for wounding you then this harbors and festers in you until it causes more fights, more anger and hurt emotions.
I had a similar situation many years ago. My fiancee kept talking to his ex-wife. He would have her over and they would talk about problems he was having with me. His excuse was that she was a clever psychiatrist and that she could help him sort things out. He also told me that she was his best friend and that he had to share things with her. I eventually got so hurt by their continued liaisons that I was unable to forgive him. I started to cry and to cause problems and fights. It was eating me alive. Yet I did not want to leave him because i loved him. In the end he broke it off with me because I was miserable to live with. LESSON LEARNED. BOUNDRIES HAVE TO EXIST AND THEY CANT BE BROKEN. AND IF THEY ARE THEN THERE HAS TO BE TOTAL REGRET ON THE PART OF THE PERSON WHO BROKE THE BOUNDRY SO THAT YOU WILL FORGIVE.