is he cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
is he cheating?
12
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 7:37pm
My dh and I have been together for almost 7 years, I was a sahm for a good part of it and just started working full time evenings from 2-10 that way I am home during the day and he is home at night so we don't need a babysitter. But because of our schedules I barley see him, and on my days off for some reason he "works late" and don't come home until 7-8pm when I call him on his cell phone he won't even say "I love you" when we hang up. I have never had him (unless we are fighting) not say that when we hang up, but on my days off he stays "at work" late and when I call him he's real brief, says he's busy and then says bye, even if I say I love you first. Do you think he could be cheating? I am 5 months pregnant and we haven't had sex in 3 months, totally not my fault, I want it and he don't says it would be weird, but with my daughter we still had sex. And if I say anything to him, of course I'm being a b****. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 8:04am

Yes. He probably is. I hate to say it but something is up, I'm sure his behavior wasn't always like this.

Is there any way you could get him into counseling? I might even suggest letting it go for now because stress is very, very bad for a pregnancy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 11:07am
Thank you for your response. I don't think our insurance covers counseling, but I think I'm going to look into it. Anytime I ask him where he is he gets all mad and says "why do you have to b**** about it all the time?" I know everyone talks about the 7 year itch, but I never knew of it to be true, I always thought "not us" but we have been together for almost 7 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 12:05pm
People get defensive and deflect anger back onto you when they know they are guilty of something. He knows there's a problem and he knows that it's because of him - that's why he's hiding it and wants to ignore it. I truly hope you can at least get some help for yourself because you're in a rather vulnerable position right now and you need to put extra care into your health (both mental and physical!). Good luck, I hope this gets better for you
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 12:44pm
Thank you, I think I am just going to continue working and start saving money, I know that if I had to I could do it without him. We did it with just his income for 4 years, and I went to college, and I am making more money than he did when we were living off just his, so I know that I could do it by myself, and if I have to I will. I think we will try counseling first, and then if that don't work, then I will just go. Even if for some reason he isn't cheating(which I really believe he is) he still is making an effort not to see me and thats a problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 12:00am
Trust your instinct... You know something is wrong, the only detail is exactly what.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 11:02am

Hi there alone_wife,


You need to stop wondering and ask him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 1:45pm
Physical abuse makes a situation worse. That advice was horrible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 9:59pm

Welcome to the board alone_wife,


Consider being as direct as oldnimrod suggested:


You need to stop wondering and ask him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 10:49am
I agree with all the advice, but just had to offer one more thing. Have you ever gone to his work, and seen if he was actually there? Are you able to call him at his work - or only on his cell? It sounds like he thinks he's got you over a barrel, and just thinks well, I'll just tell her I'm working late, and she can't do anything about it. And you certainly CAN do something about it!! Don't just sit at home wondering where he is - if you also REALLY want to know what's up you could ask for a day or half a day, or even just a longer lunch break from work, and see where he is while you're actually working. I know that this will take a lot of extra work on your part, but I honestly don't think he's going to come out and admit he's cheating on you - I think you're going to have to find out on your own. And you obviously can't keep living like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 8:10am

First you are here asking if we think your husband is cheating and then you write you are considering leaving him.

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