Is he cheating???? Need Advice Please!!!
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| Thu, 08-12-2004 - 12:54pm |
Here’s a little history:
DH and I have been seeing a counselor because my sex drive is very low. We’ve been married 11 years and have 2 child; dd 4 year old and ds 9 months old. I’ve been taking testosterone cream for about 1 week and it seems to have helped a lot. I’m also working on restructuring the negative thoughts I have about sex that my mom has created. So our sex life has been pretty bad for awhile. The therapist instructed my dh that in order for him not to be frustrated to relieve himself so that he’s not pent up. He agreed to this.
This is where I’ve become concerned/worried/ not sure of the word…
Yesterday dh took off of work to do things around the house as we leave for a weeks vacation and needs them done before we leave. I come home after work. I go to the bathroom and I see a red condom in the garbage . The condoms we have been using were yellow and we hadn’t had sex in 6-8 days?? I ask him about the red condom. He says that they are the ones we’ve been using. I tell him they haven’t. He said yes they are I’ll show you the condoms if you want. I take ds to his room and nurse him. DH comes in and shows me the condoms from the draw, opens one and they are red. He then tells me that he has to read dirty magazines and gets off that way and he used a condom. I asked why he was using a condom. He said he didn’t want to make a mess. He said he’s not having an affair that he would swear on anyones life and says why would I cheat when I’m doing all this with you (counseling). He said the red condoms where the new ones. He said that he’s sexually frustrated and he has every right to be. About 15 minutes he leaves for his side job. I search the house. I found the dirty magazines in the basement; hidden. I don’t find anything suspicious in his closet/drawers/mattress. I did look at the box of condoms. A full box has 12. There were only 7 in the box . That’s 9. 3 are missing or unaccounted for. He comes home. I ask him why he lied to me in the first place about the condom. He said he was embarrassed that he has to do this. I ask if he’s cheating on me…he says no. I asked why there were only 7 condoms in the box. He says we use them. I don’t remember the red ones. He says he uses them to relieve himself. I told him that I find it odd that he uses a condom to relieve himself. I check his cell phone…no suspicious calls made or received.
I don’t want to one of those women in the dark. I want to know right up front before months of cheating occurs. I don’t know if he’s having an affair. What other things can I look for???
Lisa

Whoa whoa...Relax!!! Breath.Think.Breath again. You are overwhelmed with guilt and are sabotaging anything you are fixing.Not only does he have to face rejections but now he has to defend his honor . You are pushing him.Just back off and think about it.Does he love you? Does he love the children? Is he proud of the home the two of you created? Why would he risk it?
If he isn't getting over defensive during your confrontations I doubt he is cheating.If he isn't flying off the handle at the simplest questions then I doubt he is cheating.If he is willing to go through with the therapy then I would say he loves you dearly and if he were cheating the guilt would show by sudden agitation at the littlest things or a sudden burst of generosity and kindness.I am sure there is a lot more but I would guess those are the first signs.
Relax Hun,he sounds like he is trying to deal with this and have a little of his own control at the same time.
MB