He did it for the friends...
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He did it for the friends...
| Sat, 09-27-2008 - 4:14am |
Many times I told my fiancé (we live together) that I would like for him to surprise me more with romantic things, simple things, nothing extraordinary. Even 1 week ago I was telling him that and he answered he doesn´t do it because he´s been very stressed

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Hi Miumiu2008:
You've been crying alone in the bathroom because your fiance lit candles and helped you create a really nice welcome for friends to your home for dinner?
When you saw the candles and such did you give him positive reinforcement? Did you kid him and say 'let's cancel the party and head to the bedroom' Did you thank him? Guys do well with appreciation.
Also, has he always been this way? Has he ever done little romantic gestures for you? If not, you can't change him only reinforce his behavior.
"I appreciated his effort"
No you didn't.
And yes it was partially for you.
miumiu2008,
I can understand why you are upset. However, he didnt do it for the friends...he did it for himself.
Yes, I agree he did all that for himself, to impress the friends and not for them or for me. Again, if he wanted to do something like that for me, we wouldn´t need friends to come over. He would just arrive early then me from work and would do all that to impress me when I arrive home.
Maybe I´m overreacting regarding this situation, but it´s mainly because in the past I told him several times I like those kind of things, setting up a romantic environment in the living room, or bedroom, or bathroom, whatever. I even did it myself in the past for us. So, I was just sad he took the idea for an occasion wwhen we have other people there, and not only the two of us.
Again, maybe I was overeacting, but I was really sad.
And for "appreciating his effort", well, it was HIS friends, so in the first place it was HIS responsibility to arrange things and I HELPED HIM, because while he was at home arranging things, I was at the supermarket shopping for the dinner and I also cooked dinner. So, I HELPED HIM in this case, and not the contrary. I suppose in this case
Miumiu, at the risk of repeating myself (either on this thread or your duplicate one), you need to accept who he is.
Helping him to do something doesn't mean you appreciate what he's doing. How does that make sense? A nice thing he did for his friends made you cry and post to a message board that he did it for them and not for you. That doesn't exactly scream "I appreciate him". I maintain that he did this partially for you because you mentioned it to him. It isn't like he was alone with another girl, then I could understand your feelings. But miumiu this is an extremely trivial thing to choose to upset yourself over. You will feel better when you choose which things to let go of, and not let them bother you anymore. I do not think you're going to change him, as I said in my earlier response, people do things because the idea hits them at the right time in the right situation. After some time in a relationship, guys don't have little "I need to impress her to make her like me" ideas floating around anymore. He's not lazy about caring for you, he's just in a serious relationship and not a silly fake Hollywood one.
This is my last response here but I really hope you can forgive him for this and move on.
You are dealing with a couple of issues:
1) you want him to change his style of relating to you - being more romantic
2) you see that HE means more to him than you.
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