he does drugs, i asked him to stop

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
he does drugs, i asked him to stop
3
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:30pm
ive been going out with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. i learned a year ago that he smokes pot and sometimes takes 2ci and hes also experimented with other drugs. i am totally against drugs and hes known that. hes known that it makes my cry when i think about him doing drugs because i am worried that something bad will happen to him.

the other day, i basically told him that if he continues to do drugs that i would leave him. thinking about him doing drugs makes me really stressed out and sad and it makes my stomach queasy. he thought for a really really long time and he said that he would stop doing drugs for me. i can tell that he doesnt really want to quit, but he said he would.

the next day he was talking about how hes worried because the relationship is basically all on him now and if he screws up he said that he knows he wouldnt ever get me back. he kept telling me that he didnt want to lose me. he also said that he doesnt want to feel like someone is controlling their life even when theyre not around him. i understand where he is coming from on that, but i also cant live being constantly worried etc.

he once again said he would stop doing drugs if it meant that we would stay together. im afraid things are going to be awkward now between us. theres a lot more to the story, but thats the basics. if i find out that he did drugs again, what should i do? do you think it was right of me to tell him that if he didnt stop that i would leave him? if you have any comments or advice, please dont hesitate to let me know

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:44pm
Ifyou don't agree with doing drugs - dno't be with him.

You've set yourself up to be lied to about this until you literally catch him redhanded- at which point he'll be too drugged out to deny it, but he knows perfectly well that you're just "flapping your jaws" that you're not leaving if he doesn't stop using - you haven't yet and you still continue to "squawk".

I've been him...and he does the drugs because he feels enttiled to do it and there is nothing wrong with it in his estimation. You're telling him "to keep the benefits of me you have to stop doing whatyou want to do - use drugs'.

At some point, being with you is going to more hassle than doing drugs, or he's going to do drugs to cope with the hassle of being with you. At which point he'll turn this around and say that you "caused" him to use with your threat...and you "forced" him to lie and hide it becuase "he loves you so".

Either stick with him as he is - you're better off knowing when he's using and that he's using so that you can not be around him when he is, and os that you're not in the car, arrested, charged, booked, strip searched, and convicted of "possession" along with him. Which is what will happen if he's hiding from you he's using - because "you forced him to do it".

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 7:32pm
I think that you should move on and find someone whose values are more compatable with your own. Your BF obviously likes doing drugs and doesn't want to stop. He's an adult, that's his choice. He only tells you he will stop because he knows that's what he needs to say to keep you around. Then he resents you because you are "controlling" him. Save yourself the drama. Make a clean break and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:21am
STICK BY WHAT YOU HAVE TOLD HIM AND NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS DONT LET HIM GET BY WITH DOING DRUGS EVEN ONE MORE TIME. I AM MARRIED TO A MAN THAT DID THEM FOR 14 OF OUR 16 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. I REASONED AND BEGGED ; PLEADED AND RANTED TRYING TO GET HIM TO STOP. HE WOULDNT. HE EVEN TOLD ME AT ONE POINT WHEN I SAID ITS ME AND OUR SON OR THE DRUGS... HE SAID DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE! IT WENT ON TO HARDER DRUGS..METH AND LOTS OF IT, ACID JUST WHATEVER..IT WAS A MISERABLE EXISTANCE FOR ALL OF US. IT ALL CAME TO A HALT WHEN HE NEARLY OD WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND I THREW HIM OUT. HE IS CLEAN NOW YES OVER 2 YEARS BUT ANY LOVE OR CARING I EVER HAD FOR HIM IS DEAD AND GONE, OUR SON WILL BE GROWN IN 2 YEARS AND IM OUT OF THIS HELL. SO TAKE A FOOLS ADVICE...DONT PUT UP WITH IT FOR EVEN A DAY. YOU DESERVE MORE AND BETTER THAN THAT. GOOD LUCK.AND STRENGTH