He doesn't want to live with me anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
He doesn't want to live with me anymore
2
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 10:55am
I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years. We just moved in together in November. Things seemed ok for a while, but for the past couple of months I've sensed something was wrong. He's been withdrawn and moody and generally unhappy. He finally confessed that he's unhappy with the living arrangements and thinks he needs to move on his own for a while. He's not sure what he wants out of this relationship and he's not sure about the future. I'm getting alot of "I don't know" from him. He said he still wants to stay together and he loves me and wants to try and work things out. I don't know what to do. Maybe he just wasen't ready to move in together? Do you think living separately may help the situation? If anyone has any advice/comments/suggestions, I'd really appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 12:21pm
iv chrissies...

Your last few sentences summed up what happened to your relationship. When two people decide to move in together...all the flaws (along with the good stuff) about each begin to materialize. It sounds like your b/f saw different sides of your personality when you lived together...and he probably wasn't prepared for some of 'em! Not every man (or woman for the matter) is comfortable co-habitating with someone else. There are a lot of adjustments that each person has to make...and from what you described, it sounds like your b/f couldn't cut it.

Why not give yourself and him some SPACE? If the lease is in your name, he should move...or vice versa. One thing for sure...neither one of you is going to be happy with your current living arrangement...and living together in misery isn't good for anybody, whether single or married!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:48am

Hi there,


Moving in together changes things, and often we move in together for the wrong reasons. He doesn't know how he feels, because all he feels is that moving is was not the right decision. It doesn't mean that things won't work out. He is being as honest as possible.


A lot of people have a hard time adjusting to seeing someone when they get home. Having to report in. Feeling like every free minute is devoted to that person. Even though it may not be set up that way, it often feels that way. I've seen friends go through this where they love eachother, but one of them starts to question the relationship simply because they feel suffocated by living with the other person.


Giving the relationship space may help you two out a lot. Don't take his desire to move out as something more than just that. You two just weren't meant to live with each other right now. :)


Good luck, and chin up!!

 

-amy-    "CL-fiesty"