He fights dirty...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
He fights dirty...
3
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 9:37pm

My guy of 2 months USUALLY treats me like gold. However, he fights DIRTY!

I should mention we only fight when we are at his house. I guess he gets on an ego trip?

We have a reoccuring fight. When we first met, he had a profile on Fling.com. This is a fetish, sex, dating site. He says he hasn't been on there since he met me, but I am still suspicious. A few times I've been on his computer & saw pop-ups from the same site, emails he still gets from them, etc.

He also is recently divorced. His wife left him for another woman.

We were talking last night & he mentioned how his ex didn't trust him. I said "Why is it that your exe & I don't trust you"? He FLIPPED OUT! He started screaming, calling me names. He then throws his phone at me to have me call his ex to ask if she trusted him? WTH?! He says how I turn everything around in order to start a fight. Have NO IDEA what the hell he is talking about.

I kept asking him to drop it, that we'll talk tomorrow, etc. He insisted on drawing this out all night. It started at 2am (we had BOTH been drinking) & lasted until 5 am until I locked myself in the bathroom so he'd leave me alone! I should also mention I got so upset I vomited. During our fights he wants me to leave his house. (This is the 2nd-3rd time he's tried to kick me out during a fight).

Every other aspect of our relationship is great. 99% of the time he is a decent, very sweet man. We just don't know how to fight constructively. We've only fought 2-3 times at all.

The fact that he never lets me speak, calls me names, brings up irrelavant crap, wants to kick me out, & makes me fight against my will makes me feel like he doesn't respect me AT ALL! Any ideas how to learn to fight fair? Or, is this just doomed?

I've tried to call him 3 times today. The fact that he is avoiding me is making me even more mad. It's all about him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:04pm

Welcome to the board cherlem,


I'm not sure you fight becuase it's HIS house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 11:20pm

Wow. He's probably on his best behavior most of the time, but once his buttons are pushed, his true personality rears its ugly head. Re-read your post. Is this the kind of guy you want to be with? In 2 months he's done this to you 2 or 3 times already? You should be in your honeymoon phase!

Run, girl, run! Don't look back!

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:49am

Does HE agree with the statement that "We just don't know how to fight constructively"??

Or does he believe that this fight is all your fault and that he is justified in this behavior?

Does HE want to look at ways to work with you to communicate better? Or does he think YOU need to communicate differently?

If he doesn't think he needs to do anything differently, then you can expect a lifetime of this sort of abuse.

I'd run like the hills. There's no 99% perfection that could outweigh abuse for me.