is he giving me enough respect

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
is he giving me enough respect
8
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 11:04am
well, i have been with fiance for almost 3 years.. it just seems lately that he doesn't give me the respect i think that i deserve.. or is it respect?? i do everything around this house.. i pay the bills, i clean, i cook, and the only thing that i ask him to do is take the trash out and the trash hasn't been to the curb in over a week.. and when i ask for help cooking or something he laughs at me.. also i work too.. not just him.. and his excuse is always that he doesn't have time... but yet if someone calls and offers $ for him to fix a car .. he jumps right on it.. i will even go to work on his day off and i will come home and he hasn't touched anything.. maybe every once in a while he'll help.. but i need more .. i told him i am stressed and tired.. but he just tell me i am mean.
but this is the reason i am soo upset right now... every night i make dinner and i tell him, ok, like 10 minutes and dinner will be ready and he always gets up after like over 5 minutes, like just before i am ready to serve and tells me 15 more minutes so that he can drink another beer.. it just upsets me that i just cooked him dinner and when i do i think that he should sit down and eat it not make it get cold... so then i tell him this and he tells me i'm mean and to get over it.. he's like "what do want me to do, eat it boiling hot" so i said yes.. i just think that he should respect the fact that i just spent an hour making dinner and i am ready to eat it... do think thast this is a lack of respect and how do i tell him this cause i tell him he doesn't respect me and he's like "i didn't even do anything" ... but yet this is a everyday occurance.help
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 11:49am

Sounds like you are doing too much for him.

I would suggest you go ahead and eat when dinner is ready and when he is ready he can eat it weather its cold or not. I do know when my bf is drinking he is not interested in eating and I would be starving waiting. I do not wait anymore and I eat and leave everything else turned off on the stove so when he is ready he eats.

I do know how you feel going thru this myself but I have learned to do less for him. I have stopped doing his laundry at times if I feel he is not helping enough. When he has no jeans or underware he will do a load and then thats less for me to do.

When he wants to go do things with me on the weekend I say if you help me around the house on Saturday I will have time to go to the beach with you on Sunday....

I dont feel its a matter of respect but a matter of you letting it happen and not putting your foot down. Because you do everything he expects it now.

I wish you the best

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 12:43pm

Hi scorpiocharma,


Your previous post so others can

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 1:33pm
i have done this.. and then i get frustrated because it never gets done and my house looks like crap and i don't wanna have anyone over cause of the mess and smell...lol.. i know i should just get over all this stuff and that i am really picky... so i am just gonna do what you suggested.. but i will admit that it is gonna be hard because i have a short temper and tend to get frustrated easily.. btu i am gonna do it .. that way i am putting my foot down for me... if he can't deal with it and do his part... then oh well... thankyou for offering advice.. i think that everyonce in a while i just need some pep talks.. that always helps me get stronger.. my mom used to do it for me when i got down but she has recently moved away..so sad... we'll see how it goes these next couple of days and i will update you. again... thankyou!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 1:36pm
Will he pay for a housekeeper?




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 3:36pm
When is your wedding scheduled?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 10:49pm
no way... he wouldn't pay for a housekeeper.. and we haven't scheduled a date.. i am very angry right now... cause he got off at 12;30 and me 4;00.. when i came home nothing and i mean nothing was done... i made dinner and again he wasn't ready so i ate by myself.. so now he is drunk and sitting in his truck listening to music loud and won't come in and eat!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:28am

Please stop worrying about him eating your not his mom. Tell him once when it is ready and eat yourself. Leave it on the stove, I am sure he ate last night once he was ready.
He is busy drinking and not interested in eating. Let him eat a few cold meals he will learn. You are stressing over it and dont need to.

I know what you are going thru having been thru it myself. So I dont mean to sound harsh I truley understand. Half the time I dont even cook and I just grab something on my way home from work for me. My BF is too busy drinking to want to eat and I am hungry at that time. When he gets hungry its not my problem and I ate so Im not all stressed out and starving.

I also have done too much in my relationship in the past but I have learned not to do as much. Its like I felt like I had to do it ALL and became quite overwhelming to me, I also felt he didnt appreciate what I did do for him. I still do more just not as much and yes I hate it when my house is dirty that alone stresses me out

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 12:39pm

I don't think this is about him eating or not. I think this is about you wanting Quality Time with your guy and he's not stepping up.


Read: Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman