He is having a baby with someone else...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
He is having a baby with someone else...
4
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 10:24pm
I am at a crossroads and have no clue what to do. I am engaged to a wonderful man. I love him with all my heart. We have a connection that is hard to describe. In fact, after 4 months we got engaged and moved in together. Sounds perfect, huh?? Not even close... We had been together for about a month when he found out that a girl he hooked up with a few times was pregnant with his child. He begged me to stay with him, promising me that he loved me and not her. I agreed, I love him and would not turn my back on him in a situation of this magnitude. Well, I was okay with things at first, but now I am losing it. I am completely driving myself crazy. I think it is for good reason. He is attending all doctor's visits with her, and with that I am okay. He recently had dinner with her family to discuss the baby and what they wanted to do about custody, still kind of okay. Today I found out that he has neglected to tell her that we are living together. I was always so sure that she knew about me and the fact that we were together, but I am questioning it now. I asked him to meet her because in all actuality, when we get married I am going to be this child's step mother. He won't agree, he doesn't think I have any business meeting her. I don't know what to do... I want to be with him, but I am afraid that there is more to their relationship than he is letting on. I need help, I need to be certain that all the things he is doing is for the sake of the baby and not for the sake of her. So please, help me... thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 10:35pm
Sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Big red flag that she doesn't know about you. Yeah, I'd be suspicious. If I were you I'd move out and put him on a probationary period. (actually I'd turn him loose altogether but that's just me.) Don't put up with this. You are absolutely right to be concerned. And though I usually cringe when I see others passing judgment and coming down hard on people here on the board just for some stupid mistake or bad judgment, I really have to point out that four months isn't a lot of time to really know that other person well enough to marry/move in. More time should have been taken there and had you, you wouldn't be in the predicament you are in now. But you are in it so all I can say is stand up for yourself and don't put up with the games.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 10:41pm
There is absolutely more in their relationship than he is letting on. He is going to be a father- his life is now inextricably tied to this woman's. He's not being honest with this woman, who he had a baby with, so what makes you think he is being honest to you?? And I agree with you- I would not be content never meeting the woman either. Listen to your instincts and get out of there!
Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 10:43pm
I think you have every right to be skepticle. Did he finally tell you they were living together , or did you find out another way ? If he didn't tell you himself , it wouldn't speak too highly of him. If he's lieing to you , he's got to be lieing to her as well. People don't just lie to some.....and not others. If he won't let you meet her to put your suspicions to rest , I'd be like "BUH BYE !" . Honesty is SOOOOOOOOO important in a relationship. There's plenty of men out there who will treat you better. Good luck.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 1:48pm
So he's keeping you a BIG SECRET. Not good. Red Flag and you are right to be worried, concerned, etc.

You are going to have to decide what is best for you. Him keeping this a secret from her, thinking you have no business meeting her, yet you live together, not cool. I'd RUN from this man.


Carrie