He Isn't Moving In

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
He Isn't Moving In
Fri, 02-14-2014 - 2:16am

My friend calls me and right away complains. She tells me she goes all out for Valentine's Day for her boyfriend because she won't be spending it with him due to her working. So she goes all out buying his favorite perfume, candy, balloons, hearts, rose pedals, and decks out his bedroom at his mom/sister/her kid's apartment.

Her boyfriend's sister's daughter is already being noisy 7 years old, and wants some of the goodies my friend had set up for him. She gives in and gives her a thing or two then closes the door.

She is upset and dislikes how her and her boyfriend were suppose to be moved in together last month but it's now February and still nothing has happened. She is the one doing everything, and she isn't getting anything in return.

My friend then tells me that the sister and his mom have been apartment hunting and have found some places but they keep making "excuses" about these places so they have yet to move.

My friend wants her man to move out of his families place and in with her at her own home in their back guest house/room. But he isn't moving out because he has to stay home to pay rent. The boyfriend pays rent, the sister pays rent and the mom pays rent they all pitch in.

My friend dislikes how the sister can afford to pay her own rent at her own place IF SHE HAD ONE, but yet refuses. She also dislikes how the sister is always buying her little kid toys and clothes left and right.

My friend says she is going to wait until the end of March and if this guy is not moved out and in with her she is ended the 1 year relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 02-14-2014 - 11:39am

It sounds like "your friend" isn't happy in this relationship, so why is she staying?  She can't force any of these people to do her bidding, including her boyfriend.  If he really wanted to move in with her, he would.  If he wants to, but he's so wimpy that the Mother and Sister have him "whipped".........she doesn't want him anyway.  How is it her business that his sister buys toys and clothes for her child?  "Your friend" sounds desperate.  She needs to step back and realize that none of these people care what she thinks or wants, and she needs to move on before she wastes any more time on them.  She's already wasted a year, so why waste another month?

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 02-14-2014 - 1:33pm

You posted about this same situation a month ago.  Why are you posting?  If this is a friend and not you, then what business is it of yours, and what advice do you expect us to have?  If this friend is really you, then what are you looking for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Sat, 02-15-2014 - 12:59am

This is NOT my problem it is my friends. I don't know what advice to give her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-15-2014 - 11:35am

You give her the advice you'd give anyone in a situation like this.  SHE wants the b/f to move in with her, but he and his family are making it impossible.  So, she can either accept that this is the way it is, and QUIT complaining, or she can tell her b/f that it's been nice, and move on.  She can't fix his family, she can't fix him, she can only fix herself!  And to do that, she has to end the relationship.  If she doesn't like that advice, tell her to find someone else to tell her what she wants to hear, and to stop complaining to you.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 02-16-2014 - 1:42am

 I am with Fissy on this one.  The BF is probably torn.  But I agree that she should just move on.  An ultimatium would end badly no matter what happens.   I agree with Fissy that she may be looking for a opinion that is inline with what she has already decided.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 02-18-2014 - 2:00am

Is your friend asking you for advice? I'm sure you know what to tell her if she does. If she's not asking for advice then its better to not offer any.