Is he just humoring me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Is he just humoring me?
17
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 3:12pm
Why would a guy ask a girl out and not follow through with plans? Is he just humoring me? No date has been set to go out yet and it has been two and half weeks since. Should I let it go or should i call him and ask him 'what about our plans to hang out'? I've been told to let the guy pursue the girl. If I call, does that mean I'm pursuing him, pressuring him to go out with me even though he is the one who offered to hang out?

I've known this guy for a few months now and we met through a mutual friend. Our friend was trying to set us up. We both weren't ready for a relationship when we both met. We both just got out of a relationship at the time. We've become some what like casual friends since then. We mainly communicate through e-mail. We've hung out a couple of times when we first met and I've bumped into him on a couple of occasions at mutual friends' gatherings after that. He has also asked me out a month ago but I couldn't go out with him because I was busy on the day he has asked me out. I turned him down without giving an alternate and was not even thinking of the consequence of that since I was nervous when he called.

I have been ready quite sometime now to start a relationship. If he asked me out, does that me he is ready too? But he didn't follow through with this one. I've developed a crush on him since we met and I think he knows it too which could be the reason why he asked me out. Any insight would be much appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 8:05am
Don't go back to e-mailing - it's too easy and it doesn't move things forward. Call him - say you just wanted to thank him for dinner and tell him you really enjoyed hanging out with him. Chat for a minute or two and then tell him you really need to get going, but you had a good time and he should call you if he wants to see that movie.

Good luck - try not to stress out about all this - this should be the fun part.

Peace - Pebbles

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:47am

If you thanked him while you were on the date (which I hope you did!), then a "thank you email" is unnecessary and overkill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 5:05pm
Thanks again for all your responses. You all have very good points and advices have helped me tremendously.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 11:52pm
I just called him today but got his voice mail instead. I got really nervous and I left him a message to thank him for dinner and driving out here in the bad weather. I also mentioned if he wanted to see the movie to call me--I tried to play it down by mentioning that I wanted to see this would give him the greenlight for him to ask me out again. Now I don't know if I did the right thing by mentioning the movie. How long do you think I should wait for him to return my call before I call it quits?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 11:35am

Some guys find it very hard being turned down - it's hard for them to get up the courage to ask again. Since he already asked you out once, and you couldn't make it, I think it's fine for you to be the one to ask him out this time. This will let him know directly that you want to get together. Do it in a light way, with nol mention made of the fact that he said he'd call and didn't. He just might be nervous about this. Don't bring the past up, just go forward. It's worth a try, as he once did ask you out. See what happens. If he goes for it, that's great. If not, then I'd let things alone, without dwelling too much upon

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 12:25am
He hasn't returned my call yet. It's been about three days now. I giving him the benefit of the doubt that he is just consumed with his work and his new side start-up business. I have two tickets to this event I think he would be interested in and would like to ask him if he would like to join me. I'm just wondering if I should ask him since he hasn't returned my call? The event is next week and I don't want to wait to the last minute to ask him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 11:25am
I feel like I need to be blunt here:

I think it is time to give up. This has been going on for quite a while. It shouldn't be this difficult and draining for two people who want to see each other to get together. He obviously isn't ready or interested as you are.

Set your sights elsewhere. I bet there is another guy or a girlfriend of yours more deserving of going to the event with you.

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