He love me more than I love him
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|Sun, 02-09-2014 - 10:09pm|
I feel really sad. I don’t know what’s happening to me. We have been dating for 31 months ( im 22, he’s 24). I love him but not as how much he loves me. I already told myself before I accepted him that I will never give 100 percent of my love to my future boyfriends. So that if they hurt me, I still have a part of me to build myself easily. (fear of loving too much). But now, I feel conflicted. I feel bad that I have this feeling where he’s wasting his time with me. Whenever something happened to us such as fighting, I got two feelings, first is I feel happy because this might be the way for us to be separated. But second, I felt hurt and sad because I know he’s so hurt as well(he even cry). I really don’t know what to do. I am thinking, should I keep the relationship and hope that my love for him will be conditionally equivalent to his love for me? or I should end it before I could hurt him more?
Physical attraction is not the problem for sure. But I don’t feel and I don’t find myself making love to him anymore. (last time was 6 months ago). I feel that if we do it, I won’t feel anything anymore. I don't even get excited just thinking on doing it with him.To think, I did the first move before and lost my purity out of curiosity and peer pressure.
I feel so evil. I don’t want to hurt him.He’s so good and nice to me.He buys me expensive things. Treat me meals. I could really feel he deeply love me. But why I can't return the level of love he’s giving me?. Why is that I feel that there is someone out there better for me?
I don’t feel chills when I see him. I don’t feel sparks and fireworks when he kiss me or touch me. I can only feel protection. I feel contented when he’s with me.
I get attracted to other guys as well. I want to mingle but of course I can't because I’m in a relationship. But I miss doing it. I can’t go to parties or late night with girl friends because he’s always afraid that I will find and flirt another guy so he won’t allow me to “have fun”. It’s been 2 years I drank and partied, and we fought that time because I went out. So after that incident. We agreed that we’ll only party and drink if we are together doing it. (which we never did, because he don’t want to go out hahaha)
I’m sure he won’t cheat. He’s too good to do it. He’s really family oriented man. Not a huge dreamer. While I am too ambitious in my goal. (we are both programmers btw) I’m 6 hours travel away from him. He visits me once a month. (both busy in our work).
urrrggg! im so confused. Advice?Help?