Is he lying and how to approach?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Is he lying and how to approach?
4
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 7:50am

Hi everyone,

I need some help. I have been with my bf over 3 years now and things have been great for the most part. I have never thought that he has lied to me...until recently.

It started when I asked him one day several weeks back what he was doing that friday (in hopes he'd have some time for us)and he said he had to work late. Ok, no problem so I made plans to hang out with a friend and I did. The next day I asked him how late he had to work (sometimes he has to work til 3 in the morning) and he said 'oh, i left work at 8 and went to have drinks with colleagues', which upset me. Now, I dont have a problem with him hanging out with colleagues or friends after work, but I only see him on Saturdays and I'd hope that he could make time for me on Friday nights as well.

Since then, I had a discussion with him about the fact that I feel like he is spending every friday night he isn't working either with colleagues or friends and the last time we had a friday night together must have been back in may! He gave me an explanation about having dinner/drinks with the team sometimes (I know it isnt always just with the team, but other people from the office too) and the fact that he has to hang out with friends sometimes (which I agree).

So fast forward to last friday (day before my b-day). He said he was working late so at 9:20pm I sent him a text message asking how late he'd be to which he replied "staying until 1am, have some things I have to take care of here (in the office)". So i call his work phone, no answer and his cell phone, no answer, as I wanted to speak to him before going to bed. About 5 minutes later, he calls me back and tells me he is taking the train home (as I can hear street noise in the background). Now I thought that was awfully weird since he just told me he had a lot to do and was staying late. He was rushing me off the phone as well and just said we'll talk in the morning. I sent him a text message asking if everything was ok, no reply, tried calling him a few times, no reply. Then an hour later, he send me a text message saying "let's talk tomorrow". His explanation of why he wasnt picking up his phone was because 'something happened in the office and he didnt want to talk about it' but when he told me what it was, it really wasn't anything he'd ever get upset about and not want to talk about. Last night also he sent me a text around 8 saying he was going to get something to eat and then go home. I said 'ok'. I called him around 9:30 and he didnt pick up or answer my text. I called him again at 11, at which point he said "i am on the train" and I said 'i thought you were going home after dinner' to which he said "oh I had to run back into the office to finish something" Now that doesnt sound right to me. Also, I should tell you. The only time usually when he doesnt pick up his phone is when he is hanging out with people..

So now, I am suspecting that he has lied to me on a few occasion about 'being at work or working' when in fact I think he has been hanging out with colleagues. He has always been very good about telling me the truth about everything, even if it would upset me, so I am very confused. I think he might lie to me about this because I told him that I feel like he is spending a lot of time hanging out with colleagues and not spending enough time with me.

How do I deal with this? It is driving me crazy but I don't also want to accuse him of lying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2003
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 9:06am
No need to approach. He is lying to you, you know it, follow your gut feelings. Just get rid of him. You deserve better. Someone who wants to spend time with you and makes time for you. He is just not that into you. This is just my cheap two cents take it or leave it but I feel everyone deserves to be with a person who wants to be with them too!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 6:17pm
It all sounds fishy to me. How great can your relationship be if you only see him once a week and he makes no effort to see you any other time? His friends come first. That's not a relationship - it sounds more like a booty call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 12:44am
I agree with the other two posts - something isn't right - you know it but don't want to face it. People generally make time for the things and people they want to make time for. If he wanted to see you, he would make the time. Follow your instincts and move on. You deserve better! (Say this 1,000 times, and then say it 1,000 times more!) :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:47am
He's lying, and I agree, you can do better than a liar. His lies are extremely lame and it's sad that he thinks so little of your intelligence as to expect you to believe them. I can't imagine staying with this guy regardless of having spent three years with him.