is he the one for me...or not

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
is he the one for me...or not
3
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 1:57pm
I would love to have some outside opinions... my boyfridnd and i have been together about a 1 1/2 and we have lived together a year of that time, so ya things moved a little fast in the beging. we both were leaving long relationships when we met his was 5 yrs mine was 3 yrs. (we are also both only children if that means anything). also we have know each other from childhood, but lost contact up untill we started dating. he is a very busing man, with work, work, and more work, and he also has a very time consuming hobbie (a band). the work thing doesnt bother me, i am glad he is such a hard worker! but the band thing tends to get OLD... knowing myself first hand what it is like to love a musician (my father). so i try and be as understanding an supportive as possible, as hard as it may be sometimes. he tries really hard sometimes to make time for us to send time together, and other times i feel like a take second string to everything else, the same goes with being thoughtful, effectionet, carring, helping around the house, sometimes he does great and other times it feels like he just needs someone to do is laundry. i know that not everyone is perfect, but it is always one extream to the other, no even medium. and if there is a fight, it is usually a knock out drag out (not physical that is) fight. i guess my question is how can we meet in the middle?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 2:04pm
You can meet in the middle of both of you agree that it is necessary to do so.

'i feel like a take second string to everything else, the same goes with being thoughtful, effectionet, carring, helping around the house, sometimes he does great and other times it feels like he just needs someone to do is laundry.'

Have you explained this to him? Does he agree and see where he needs to change? Does he tell you how much he appreciates you? Does he want to stop fighting? Is he willing to give up some band time in order to spend some more time with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 2:22pm
yes we have sat and discused things, and he does say that he will try harder and that i am appriciated, it will go good for a while. until the next time things start to go south.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 5:46pm
IMO in order for 2 people to be right for one another, things have to work for both people without a lot of changing, work or struggle. If you can't accept a situation as is, then it's most likely not the right one for you. If you cannot be happy without someone changing so that you can be so, then it's most likely not the right one for you.

Two people can get along well, have things in common, really care about one another, enjoy each other's company, have a good sex life and still not be right for one another. It happens all the time. Not everyone is right for everyone else, even if they're both great people.