He put out a dating add
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He put out a dating add
| Sat, 09-11-2004 - 9:19pm |
Hi everyone. I have been writing to you about my boyfriend for a while. Just recently I found on his computer that he had put out an internet add that read," handsome althetic male seeking asian women to serve. Does not matter if you are too heavy or skinny,too old or young or too ugly for that matter. To me you are precious" I confronted him and he said that he just did it as a joke because he was online to put out an add for waitresses for a party he is throwing and he just figured he'd do that to get a response. He says it was a bit exciting and interesting but that he never meant to do anything and just wanted to see what type of people would respond. He says he loves me and that he wants to be with me only and so far he has been loyal but I don't know what to think. He says he will make it up to me and that it was a good thing that it happened because now he will be a better boyfriend. He says that it's a good thing because it was a slap on the wrist for him to not do stupid things like that even though it is harmless. I was so upset at him I walked out but then came back because I could not leave him. I got upset again and tried to leave but I just couldn't do it I just wanted to talk and for the past day or so I have talked to him nonstop about all the theories I have about his behavior. I thought it was such a silly add it could not mean anything but in my gut I know something is wrong. I asked him if he wants an open relationship and he said no, that he could never see me with anyone else and that he doesn't want to see anyone. Wouldn't he be up for an open relationship if he was into seeing other girls? He told me if he dated someone else it would be the end of us because I would get upset ( which is true) but right now I am feeling so rejected and hurt I keep on saying mean irrational things to him and then crying thinking he does not love me and I can't leave him, I love him too much. Please write back with your opinions and your words of wisdom because I can't see straight. If I want to win him back how do I do that? How do I make him love me and only want me and never do anything stupid like this ever again? Should I cut him off to see how much he loves me? Be strong so he knows I am not a pushover ( though I keep coming back to him everytime I threaten to leave so he must think I am one )? What to do? thanks for your help past and present.

Now he's put up a dating ad in exceptionally poor taste. All the advice you've received in the past has been the same. What do you hope someone will say that will be any different? Are you posting just to vent? That's okay to do if it helps - as long as you realize that no one can give you the courage to do what you must.
You wrote, "How do I make him love me and only want me and never do anything stupid like this ever again?"
Make him? How can you ask a question like that? Are you looking for a magic spell or something? Sorry to be sarcastic, but it's only to help you see how useless it is to hope for him to be anything but what he is, the same person you thought was only worth a fling in the first place.
"Should I cut him off to see how much he loves me?"
That game won't work and you know it.
"Be strong so he knows I am not a pushover ( though I keep coming back to him everytime I threaten to leave so he must think I am one )?"
Yes, you're right that won't work either. He already knows you won't leave. But the important thing for you to really get is that what you feel for him is not love, it's obsession. You never write one thing about him that you even like.
"What to do?"
Same answer as always. Leave him and find a man who already is the way you want him to be. Only God has the power to change people and even He opts not to.
Edited 9/11/2004 10:33 pm ET ET by charite_99