Is he right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Is he right?
4
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:20pm
I'll start with a little background. My husband and I have been married 4 years. I have 2 children of my own and he has one. We have none together. We are having problems because I started my own daycare business and he feels that after 2 years, I should be making more than I do and I should give it up. I bring home about $200 a week, which I use for foodshopping, gas,my taxes, my dr bills,my childrens expenses and things. He makes about $900 a week when he wants to work. I work about 60 hours a week and he works anywhere from 30-40. the problem we are having is he has his own bank account and as far as he is concerned the money he makes is his money. he does pay the electric, cable, and phone. We have no mortgage. I don't ask for his help often but when i do for things like birthdays, xmas, or school shopping, he says it is not his problem that I won't give up my business to make more money and he will not help. Is this right or wrong. I believe that the business I own with a partner will eventually be a money maker but since we are still relatively new, we need to make a name for ourselves in our area. I also believe that when we married it was for better or worse, not just the better. If he was having finacial difficulties, I would help him. Even if it meant leaving my business to go make more. but this is not the case. He makes enough money that he can pay the bills and still have a lot left over for himself. What should I do?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:31pm
It's not a question of "right", it's a question of what the two of you agreed to. You must have discussed these issues before you were married and decided how you were going to handle things. So, is he living up to the agreement, or not?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:39pm
Thanks for responding. No, he isn't living up to his end. We both agreed that we would be there for each other in every way. We agreed that our kids would not be his or hers but both of ours. He knew I wanted to start my own business and said to go for it, but now that things aren't going the way he though it would be (less money) it's like he is holding me hostage but withholding money from me if I won't quit. he has said that I don't need to work and if I leave the daycare, I could be a stay at home mom. He wants me to do this so that I can be available to take him where he wants to go when he wants to go there (he doesn't have a license until 2006). I feel I upheld my end because he also said that I didn't need to pay any bills, just do the cleaning, cooking, laundry). My family is telling me to get rid of him, but I really don't know what to do.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:47pm
Ah, control issues, nice!

Have you sat down and talked to him about this in as non-confrontational a way as possible and asked him why he isn't sticking to what you agreed? If you've tried that and had no success, the next step would be insisting on counseling as a condition of staying in the r'ship.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:52pm
I have asked him and he just replies that he makes more and is contributing more to the household so why should he. I have also asked him many times to go to couseling and he says we can't afford it. I guess I will have to try one more time an d if he won't agree to go, then I guess it's over. Thanks.